the road in front of him. ‘She told me she fancied me before you even met me.’
‘What?’ I’m puzzled.
‘Said she was with you when you both saw my photo on the Meet Your Match app. She said she told you to go for it because I was so good-looking.’
‘What the hell?’ I’m shocked, and horrified, but mainly because what he’s saying is true. I’ve never told Alex that Jas and I went through the app together looking for a suitable match for me, it felt slightly disrespectful, like we were trawling a meat market. And she did go on about how good-looking he was.
‘She said she figured if things didn’t work out between you and me, she’d be interested, that she didn’t mind your sloppy seconds.’
Oh God, she did. She did say that. I remember it too clearly – we were in The Orange Tree, she pushed the app at me, found Alex’s photo and said if it didn’t work out, she’d have my sloppy seconds. It was typical Jas. But she was joking – wasn’t she?
I am in shock. ‘She wouldn’t, you’re my boyfriend.’
‘Do you think that would stop her? The fact I’m with you makes me more appealing to a woman like her. And, let’s face it, she’d love to break us up. I wasn’t going to ever tell you – but you have to know. I’ve said before, she doesn’t have your best interests at heart. I know, Hannah… she tried to kiss me.’
For a while we sit in silence. He wouldn’t know any of this, so he must be telling the truth – and if he is telling the truth, then she might have come on to him. I think about Jas’s warnings against Alex, her desperation to find a partner, and begin to wonder just why she’s constantly tried to ambush my relationship with him all along? It had never occurred to me until now, but does she want Alex for herself?
I feel bruised, like my skin’s tender from thinking too much. Not long ago I would have trusted Alex and Jas implicitly, and now I don’t know who I can trust. Can I even trust either of them? Here I am on a romantic break with a man who left another man for dead because he says he was protecting me, and my best friend is constantly telling me my boyfriend can’t be trusted because she’s the one protecting me. I genuinely don’t know who to believe any more.
We arrive at the cottage, and it’s as lovely as the brochure’s pictures. It stands alone in acres of green, currently covered in snow, and looks just like a Christmas card. Once inside, I’m enchanted by the wooden beams, an open fire, a huge, soft, feathery bed. And in the lovely little kitchen with the Aga and chintzy tea towels, the hamper of food and wine from the deli is waiting – just as Alex promised.
I watch Alex lighting the fire, and feel happy and cosy; the snow’s outside, and he’s making this fire for us, for me. And as the flames begin to leap, and we thaw in front of them, I think about how home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. Right now, here with Alex I feel like I’m home.
‘Let’s open some wine and warm up a little?’ he suggests. Within seconds we’re sitting in front of the fire, a glass each in our hands, it’s warm, and I feel safe. Here is the clean canvas I hoped for.
Back in Worcester I was caught up in Jas’s criticisms of Alex and despite defending our relationship to her, the comments had got under my skin and I’d been confused. But being here with just him now, I feel I’ve been right to give Alex a chance, and think we might just be able to overcome everything that’s happened, and be happy. I can’t excuse his actions the other night and there are things for us to work through, but I turn to look at him, his eyes flickering in the firelight, and I know in that moment no one has or possibly ever will, love me like he does.
We start to kiss, and right on cue my phone starts to buzz, and the ‘new’ Alex pulls away. ‘Do you want to get that?’
‘No. I don’t,’ I say, and reach for him. Soon we’re making love urgently, the snow falling thick outside, the fire flickering inside, and the two of us finally coming together, erasing