kindness where she sees possessive and controlling.
‘Just be careful, Hannah – I don’t trust him,’ she says.
Which is exactly what he says about her.
Chapter Thirty-Six
As we’re now going away, I abandon plans to spend Thursday evening at my flat and after stopping at mine to pack a suitcase, I go back to Alex’s after work. When I arrive, he’s in a very positive mood, and confirms what Jas told me about the guy he hit being okay and walking away.
‘I saw my mate Dave, the police sergeant. I told him a client of mine was worried he might be dragged into this by witnesses, but he didn’t do it. So he checked with the desk and no one’s reported anything so far.’
‘Thank God. So in theory that’s it?’ I ask, not sure about him lying to the police, but he’s a lawyer, Dave is his friend. Perhaps the lines are blurred? Besides, as long as no one was hurt, perhaps he’s learned a lesson and we can move on.
‘Yeah, I mean, obviously, if in future the guy decides to press charges, then that’s a different matter,’ Alex says. He’s sitting on a stool in the kitchen and shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with the truth, because he only ever wants to give me totally good news. I actually like that he’s being honest, he’s saying ‘it’s okay at the moment but let’s not be too “blue skies” about it’. Perhaps there’s hope for us yet.
‘I’m hoping he woke up this morning with a hangover from hell,’ he continues, ‘and neither he nor his mate remember what happened, or who did it. And before you say anything, it doesn’t excuse what I did, and I shouldn’t walk away scot-free. But I donated five hundred pounds to a domestic violence charity this afternoon – call it guilt money, if you like, but some good has to come of this awful thing I did.’
This is more like the Alex I know. Essentially he’s a good man, what happened was out of character and it’s clear he feels bad about it all. I believe this has been a wake-up call for him, and perhaps now he will realise that he can’t always be where I am. His less than flawless approach to the truth has always been about me, about presenting a perfect picture for me to love. And there’s a lot to love. He’s been in many ways the best, most loving, most attentive partner I’ve ever had, and who doesn’t have problems in their relationship? No one’s perfect. You have to decide if the good bits outweigh the bad, and in this case I think they might. I have to at least give this one more chance before I throw in the towel. I’m not a quitter and it would be such a shame if I ended everything, and lost him because of a few issues we might be able to work on.
‘Alex, I do love you—’ I start.
But he interrupts me. ‘I don’t want to lose you, Hannah.’ He sounds upset.
‘If – and the emphasis is on “if” – we’re going to stay together, we have to address a few things, and there have to be some changes, Alex.’
‘Whatever, I’ll do whatever it takes… I can change,’ he says, gently putting both arms around me.
‘You have to be honest with me, and not hide stuff because you think it’ll make me see you in a different light. And you have to stop worrying about me, turning up places where I am. And we need to speak to Helen. You and I have to face her, talk to her and ask her to stop.’
He looks doubtful. ‘We can try…’
‘We have to, Alex. It’s the only way I can even think about continuing with this, because at the moment I’m really not sure about the future.’
He nods eagerly. ‘Whatever you want. If it means you’ll stay. Let’s talk about it over the weekend while we’re away.’
‘Okay, let’s do that,’ I say, going along with it, hoping the weekend will provide the answers, and I’ll know where to go from there.
We set off first thing on Friday morning. The journey from the Midlands will be at least three hours, and as snow and sleet is forecast, it could take longer, but Alex is confident we can get there by noon.
‘We’ll find somewhere lovely for lunch,’ he’s saying as we hit the motorway.
He loves nice food, nice things – and he only wants nice