Fires of War (War and Deceit #4) - Erin O'Kane Page 0,89
caring that it’s unladylike. I need this time to be allowed to just be me. I’ve got from here until we arrive at the castle before people will start to judge me or watch my every move for a way to take me down. The guys can feel my desire for time, and mercifully, they give it to me.
I allow my mind to go numb as we enter the slums. I know if I fully allow myself to take in the horror of what I see, I won’t make it through this meeting with the king. The slums are mostly empty, no one wanting to get in the way of a parade of magicians’ carriages, but I’m sure I catch glimpses of thin, bedraggled children between the shacks that are squeezed together. A noise catches my attention from inside the carriage, and as I look away from the window, I’m surprised by the clenched fists and looks of anger on everyone’s faces. That strange, pained noise sounds again, and I realise it’s coming from Vaeril. His features are tight, and as I reach for our bond, I find much of the discomfort in my chest is not my own, but his as he remembers his time as a captive here.
“Vaeril,” I murmur, but he doesn’t respond, too far in his own memories to hear me. The others shift in their seats, their distress obvious at seeing their friend distraught. Reaching for our bond, I stroke it gently, but it has no effect. His fear starts to leak into me, and I know I’ll be useless if I let it overcome me. Taking a deep breath, I try to steady my breathing, and whispering an apology, I yank the bond between Vaeril and me.
His eyes automatically fly to mine, his breathing ragged. It’s okay, you’re safe, I push the thoughts towards him, knowing he won’t hear the words but will feel the intent behind them. Looking around the carriage, he grimaces as he takes in the others, who are trying to make it look like they weren’t watching him, but his eyes quickly return to mine. I feel his dread and fear, and I can see now that he’s been trying to hide them from me, not wanting to worry me. He knew how anxious I was about returning to Arhaven, so he buried his own fears to support me.
I stand and cross the small space of the moving carriage before climbing into his lap, ignoring his noise of surprise. He soon gets over his shock and wraps his arms around me, a low hum of pleasure rumbling through his chest as he rests his chin on the top of my head. Strands of his silver hair fall over me like a waterfall, blocking out much of my view and surrounding me with his scent. Reaching out, I twist some of his hair around my fingers as I feel him start to relax against me.
“You can be scared,” I tell him, keeping my voice a soft whisper. “You can fall apart and feel lost. You never have to hide that from me.” A sense of guilt reaches me, but he knows I’m not saying any of this to make him feel guilty. “I know you want to protect me, and I love that, but I’m not a fragile doll. I can handle your emotions and your dark days. Let me help you the way you help me.” Lifting my head, I look up so our eyes meet, my hand stroking his chest in a slow, comforting motion.
“When we face the king, you can’t let him see what effect he has on us.” I’m not just talking to Vaeril now, but myself as well, preparing us for what’s to come. He nods, and I can feel him reaching for his anger, moulding it into an impenetrable barrier. I don’t blame him for automatically using his fury, that’s exactly how I’ve coped in the past, but I feel him blocking me out in the process.
“Wait.” He frowns as I grasp for our bond again, knowing I can’t put what I’m feeling into words. Pressing my forehead against his, I push all my feelings and emotions towards our connection. I want him to take his anger to fuel his resolve, but to use our love as a shield, as it is far stronger than anything the king could come at us with. A small smile appears on Vaeril’s face, and happiness blooms in my