I’m the reason he won’t go. Out of some sense of responsibility to take care of me, he’s declining to go. A little part of me, that part that pulls me towards him, tells me it’s more than that, but I don’t have time for fanciful thoughts, so I push them aside.
“If I go, there is nothing to stop the priests from going back on their word and killing you.” Grayson finally pushes away from the window and stalks over, and although he’s talking to me, he’s looking at the other magicians. “Where we are going, to take someone with no magic is a death sentence. You would have to stay here. Alone. That is exactly what they want.”
“I don’t think that’s the goal anymore,” I reply, making Grayson pause whatever argument he was about to launch at the other magicians. “Sure, the priests are still a threat, but I don’t think they’ll be allowed to kill me. Not now at least,” I continue, remembering the king’s calculating gaze and the feel of Rhydian’s eyes on me as Jacob walked me out of the hall. Even thinking about it now makes me shudder, and I reach over and touch my Goddess mark under my cuff for reassurance. Feeling her calming influence, my body begins to release some of the tension I’ve been carrying.
“What do you mean?” Grayson inquires, folding his arms over his chest.
“The prince is looking for a queen.”
Grayson laughs, gesturing towards me. “You think he’d choose you? Come on, Clarissa, he would never choose someone like you.”
I feel like I’ve been physically slapped, that comment stings. He, of all people, knows what I’ve been through, where I’ve come from. He was the one to give me a title and a home, and now he’s using it against me. I manage to hide my flinch at how much that hurt me and bury the pain down deep, but it only serves to stoke my anger.
“No, I don’t think he’d choose me, but I know Jacob has put a target on my back, whether he meant to or not.” Trying to keep my voice calm, I narrow my eyes at Grayson. I’m not sure I pull it off. “I’ve seen the look Rhydian gave me before. I’m his new plaything.”
“You really think I’m going to leave you if that piece of—” Grayson’s voice rises, but he’s cut off as Merrin steps forward and lays a hand on his back.
“Clarissa, would you excuse us please?” he requests kindly, but the magician isn’t even looking at me. Ellis sees my conflicted expression, and gives me a smile and a nod, letting me know it’s okay to go.
Confused and hurt, I exit and make my way to my bedroom.
I eat my evening meal with Jayne in the kitchen area that Grayson has in his suite. I know all the food comes up from the main castle kitchens, but this little area allows for the preparation of snacks, hot drinks, and small meals. It also means I can eat with Jayne when Grayson isn’t around and enjoy spending time with her.
This morning feels like so long ago, like it happened on a completely different day. After I’d been dismissed from the meeting with the magicians, I just spent the time in my room, tracing letters with my fingers from one of the books. I kept being drawn to that one book, it was different than the others and I often found myself with it in my lap. Not that I can read, but sometimes I feel like I recognise some of the letters, like I had learned the basic alphabet before I was a slave.
“Your mind is miles away today.” Jayne’s amused voice breaks me out of my thoughts. Blinking, I realise I was staring at the glass of water in my hand, so I raise my gaze up to the maid, who is watching me with a knowing smile.
“Sorry, Jayne, that was rude of me,” I reply apologetically, putting down my glass and sighing deeply. “Just with everything that happened today…” I trail off, not needing to finish my sentence. Jayne’s face goes tight and I can see her emotional turmoil.
“Yes, my thoughts have been on those poor families.” Her breath hitches, and for a moment I think she’s going to cry. “I fear many people will lose their lives.”
“What do you mean?” I ask softly. There’s something else she isn’t telling me, and I don’t know why.