I didn’t want to think about that. I couldn’t picture myself as a husband or a father. Too much responsibility. I could barely take care of myself as it was. “I can’t promise anything right now. But maybe we could go there someday.”
All the happiness on her face evaporated. “Ash, if you don’t want to get married and have kids someday, then I’d be wasting my time and my youth on you.”
Fuck, I was losing her. “Just…give me some time. I will try to give you those things. But I can’t do that right now. I’ve never felt this way about a girl before. I’ve never been sick with jealousy, and I’ve never been driven with rage at the thought of losing someone. Alessandra, I don’t even know who I am without you. I’ve been so depressed and alone. I need you in my life. I don’t know how to explain it or put it into words… I just know I need you.”
Her eyes softened and the disappointment faded away.
“Maybe we can have all the things you want. But I need time before I get there. Can you give it to me?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “My brain is telling me this is a bad idea. I’ll end up with my heart broken all over again—and much worse. But my heart is telling me to give it a try—because I want you so much.”
Hope burst inside me. “Go with your heart. I’m doing the same thing. This is scary for me too.”
“Ash, we might destroy each other…”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. My thumb moved across her knuckles in a gentle embrace. “Take it with me.”
Alessandra stared at our joined hands before she looked up at me. Indecision was still in her eyes before it faded away. Then she nodded. “Please don’t make me regret this.”
The pain in her voice wounded me. “I’ll try.”
***
We walked inside her apartment then slammed the door. I only had one thing on my mind. It was all I’d been thinking about lately. I didn’t just crave the lust between us. The physical intimacy was something my soul missed. I couldn’t go on without it. I needed it just as much as water and air.
I grabbed her face and kissed her aggressively, needing to touch her as much as possible. My lips found hers and I cherished them with everything I had. I’d missed them this past month, and the fire inside me rekindled once they were combined again.
I stripped my shirt off as I guided her toward her bedroom. Once my chest was bare, she ran her fingers up and down the grooves, like she’d been fantasizing about this nonstop.
I unzipped her dress as we entered her bedroom then I yanked it off. If it ripped, I didn’t give a damn. I preferred it when she didn’t wear clothes anyway. When it was off, I got rid of her bra then kissed her neck.
Man, I missed this.
Her fingers fumbled with my jeans and tried to get them off. Her hands were shaking so much she couldn’t get the zipper. I did it for her then kicked the jeans away. Then I pulled my boxers off and my cock popped out. He was more excited to see her than I was.
We fell on the bed together and I immediately positioned her underneath me. I didn’t want to fuck her harder than I ever had, but I wanted to be inside her as quickly as possible. My cock needed the moisture between her legs. It needed the territory I’d claimed as my own every time I released.
Alessandra’s nails trailed down my back and she gripped me tightly as she looked up at me with parted lips. Her hair was stretched across the pillow, full of tangles from where my hands had tugged on it. Her eyes were bright with desire like she was more eager than I was.
I placed one leg over my shoulder then leaned over her until her knee was pressed to her chest. My face was closer to hers and I had her pinned down. I needed to dominate her like this, to make it clear to both of us that she was mine. I pushed my tip inside her and felt the moisture there. Only a few inches had entered her, but damn, it felt good.
She released a quiet moan as she felt me. Her nails dug into