of nod, and I forced a smile that felt like it showed just how slow and excruciating this death was. “I don’t like when I’m busy either.”
Putting one of my hands around both of hers, I stood and relished the loud giggle that burst from her. “Let’s wake your brothers,” I said as I grabbed my coffee and started for the door.
“I wanna wake Wyatt,” she said excitedly.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, because he woke me up a long time ago.”
My chest shook with a muted laugh. “Got it. Hold tight,” I warned as I released her hands to open Wyatt’s door and stepped inside.
The light coming in from behind the blinds showed Wyatt sitting up in bed, looking groggily around.
I sucked in air through my teeth. “Today isn’t your day, kid.”
“Nuts,” she hissed. “Wyatt, go back to bed.”
His head whipped around to face us as if he’d just realized we were there, then started bobbing in understanding as he sluggishly pulled back his covers and stumbled out of bed. Walk all sorts of unsteady as he met us halfway into the room and smacked into my leg.
“Morning, little man.”
“Morning,” he said, the word muffled.
“Rough night?” I teased when he leaned back to look at me, face scrunched up.
“I miss my friend, Avalee.”
Quinn gasped in my ear. “Me too, me too! I miss her too. Why doesn’t she come over anymore?”
Because I hate her mom.
She destroyed everything.
I cleared my throat and struggled for an answer when every one coming to mind needed to be kept from my kids.
“All right, let’s get ready for the day, yeah?” I said, dismissing the Avalee thing completely. Grabbing one of Quinn’s hands, I lowered her to the floor, then nodded toward the door. “Y’all use the bathroom and get changed while I get your brother.”
The last words came out softer and softer as the door pushed open more to reveal my wife and our youngest son, eyes wide like she couldn’t believe she was seeing me there.
“Mommy, look,” Quinn said as she bounced past me. “Daddy’s here!”
Savannah blinked quickly and forced her attention to Quinn, a shaky smile crossing her face. “I know, I see that.” Her eyes darted to me before shifting back to the kids. “Do what he said. I’m gonna get started on breakfast for everyone.”
Wyatt followed after her, spinning and kicking and pretending he was holding a lightsaber, but Quinn just turned to face me, looking so confused and so damn sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as she slowly made her way over to me.
“I thought Mommy would be happy now that you’re not busy anymore, but she isn’t.”
Fuck.
A dull knife tearing through my chest.
That’s what her words and her sadness felt like.
I crouched down to get on her level and tried to keep my voice even. “There are a lot of guests in the house right now, and Momma’s taking care of them and taking care of y’all. It’s okay if she doesn’t seem happy, she just has a lot going on.”
“But she’s never happy anymore,” Quinn said, then leaned closer to whisper, “She’s been making desserts and stuff without playing music. And she doesn’t dance. And she doesn’t ask if we want to bake with her anymore or if we want to lick the spoons from the desserts she makes.”
My grip on the mug tightened to the point I thought it might shatter in my hand.
My body trembled as my daughter laid out a perfect picture of how hurt Savannah was.
I forced myself to look into Quinn’s eyes to reassure her. “She isn’t trying to exclude y’all, you know Momma would never do that. And everything else?” I clenched my teeth tightly when my jaw shook. With a slow breath out, I said, “Everything’s gonna be fine.”
“You promise?”
My head moved in a slow nod as I looked right into my daughter’s eyes and lied. “Promise.”
She beamed at me as she turned and darted out of the room, and I fell to a sitting position, head hanging low and my body shaking uncontrollably as all that pain fueled something else inside me.
I forced myself to sit in it.
To feel the way it moved over me and consumed me. Everything tinted a familiar red as that sickening need coursed through my veins. Begging me to give in. To react. To lash out at something. Anything.
Accepting every second of that darkness until it was gone.
Pushing to my feet, I started out of Wyatt’s room and had to sidestep him when he came running through like a