You have to see that. His world was getting ripped out beneath his feet, and he snapped because he was trying to stop it from happening. And from what I’ve been told, he stopped as soon as you said his name.”
“I know, but—”
“This was different,” he repeated, trying to make me see something I couldn’t. When my head just shook, he said, “Savannah, he asked us if we think he’s like our dad.”
My shoulders caved as a muted sob pulled from deep within me, my eyes shutting at the grief that wove through me.
“Which means Beau thinks he’s just like our dad,” Sawyer finished carefully.
But I already knew all that. “I know,” I wheezed through my pain for my husband. “I know. Ever since Cayson revealed everything, he’s been . . . different. Absolutely terrified that he’ll turn into your dad one day. Do to one of our kids what your dad did to Cayson.”
“Fuck,” Sawyer mumbled.
“It’s been breaking my heart,” I said in agreement.
“Everything that’s happening, and you keeping him from the kids,” Sawyer began, voice uncertain, “I think it’s confirming all those fears for Beau. Savannah, he isn’t okay without you.”
“I’m not okay without him, but I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to navigate through all this pain and the broken trust and promises. I’m so afraid I’ll say something that ends us before I give him a chance, and what if—” I pressed my lips close together, the thought that had been plaguing me for weeks trying to crawl free. “What if that isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“He kept all that from me for so long. What if I find out there’s more?”
“Savannah,” Sawyer began, doubt weaving through my name, but he clamped his mouth shut when I cut him with a look. Nodding subtly because he knew just as I did that we couldn’t know. “Talk to him. Let him see the kids at least. He needs that, and so do your kids.”
“I know,” I said on a breath, my stare drifting toward the windows. “I know.”
Sawyer stood and turned to go, squeezing my shoulder as he went. But when he reached the kitchen entrance, he called my name, drawing my attention to him. “Beau? You’ve been there for so much of it. You’ve seen him at his worst. His anger and the impulse to fight is second nature, but he’s fought it all this time for you and those kids. He’s only losing control now because he’s afraid of losing you.”
All I could offer him was a hesitant nod.
Beau should’ve never done anything for that fear to be real, and I hated that he had. His betrayal and this entire situation made me feel sick. Made my body heavy with unease and unknowns.
Still, I knew I couldn’t continue on the way I had. Knew Sawyer was right.
I pushed from my chair and wove through the kitchen in search of my phone once Sawyer was gone, my stare catching on my inner wrist as I brought the screen to life. On the quarter-sized outline of angel wings that brought dozens of memories bursting to mind and had thousands more tied to it.
My phone clattered to the tiled floor just before I fell heavily to my knees. A sob wrenched from deep inside my soul and poured into the empty room. Filling the space with my grief and anger and confusion until it surrounded me.
Golden eyes.
Savannah.
Right in front of me with destruction surrounding me.
God.
She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Just stared at me with that same look she always gave me—like she understood. Like she saw me in a way no one else did.
And I wanted to die.
My stomach twisted and lurched, but I sucked in shallow breaths, forcing it to calm as I held her gaze. Clung to it so that sickening haze wouldn’t cover my eyes and that need to hurt someone wouldn’t take over again.
“Mr. Dixon.”
I worked my jaw but didn’t look away from Savannah.
“Mr. Dixon, my office now.”
I ripped my stare away from her and turned, scanning the circle of our classmates that had gathered around.
Some of them whispering.
Some of them pointing.
Nearly all of them looking at me like they were afraid of what my next step would be.
I looked at the three boys being helped up by their friends and led to where the gym teacher and vice principal were waiting, then met Hunter’s disappointed gaze. His head shook slowly where he stood with his