with purple from sleepless nights. His head slowly turned to find me there on a delay. “I can’t be here,” he said sluggishly. “I gotta go.”
“We have to be here,” I reminded him.
“I can’t—I can’t.” His head shook quickly. “I need to be with her. I don’t have time for this,” he shouted.
I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close, gripping him tight to me as his body wrenched with silent sobs. “Savannah went over to Leighton’s when I came here,” I said softly. “She’s gonna sit with her until you can go back over there. All right?”
His head shook against my chest. “What am I gonna do? I can’t—I can’t lose her. I have to fix this. How do I fix her?” he cried, the words weak.
The muscles in my jaw strained as I tried to hold it together for him.
As I tried to be there for him when we all knew there was nothing to be done.
The day of Dad’s funeral, Sawyer had gone to find out why his lifelong girlfriend hadn’t been there. Why she hadn’t really been anywhere lately. And had been slammed in the face with what she’d been keeping from everyone behind that crazy mass of hair, a shit ton of clothes, and perfectly crafted lies.
She’d been starving herself for longer than any of us knew, and she was long past the point of saving even though Sawyer was trying so damn hard to do just that. Her organs had already started failing. Each day, she slept longer. Each day, she became weaker.
Watching Leighton die was destroying Sawyer—was wrecking all of us more than we already had been. Watching my youngest brother bear this weight, as if it were all his fault, was tearing me up inside because there was no convincing him otherwise.
I glanced up at the sound of someone coming down the stairs and went still at the sight of Hunter as I had every time I’d seen him in the past weeks.
Expression carefully blank, but there were a hell of a lot of questions and frustrations lingering behind his narrowed stare.
As if he might know something.
As if, during his time in the Army, he’d started hating me the way I’d always expected him to. Needed him to.
Except I’d washed my hands of the shit that happened with Madison. I’d needed to in order to move on with my life with Savannah. Looking at Hunter’s accusatory stare had that guilt and fear clawing at my chest and ice freezing up my veins all over again.
Had me restless.
Had me worried about what I might do, and I couldn’t afford that type of worry. My life and my marriage were at stake.
Once Hunter had passed us and was headed for the dining room, I released Sawyer and directed him to follow. “I’ll get Mom.”
He didn’t respond, just started walking away, looking haunted and like he might collapse at any moment.
With a heavy sigh, I turned for the kitchen, eyes widening as I took in the endless pots and pans and containers of food.
“Mom,” I rumbled as my stare darted over everything to where she was frantically putting containers in a bag. “Mom, you need to stop cooking.”
“I have to feed Leighton.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “That girl—that poor girl. What are we gonna do if she—” A strangled cry worked past her tightly pressed lips before she hurriedly started filling the bag again.
I grabbed the next container from her, setting it out of her reach. “Mom, you need to slow down. You need to rest.” Wasn’t sure how she was standing, let alone cooking enough to feed all of Amber. She looked worse off than Sawyer.
“I have to get out of here,” she said, words strained. “I can’t be—this house.” She waved her hands around as tears steadily fell. “I don’t wanna be here!”
“Okay, I’ll get you out of here.”
“He isn’t here,” she continued on as if I hadn’t spoken. “You aren’t here. And Cay—” Her jaw trembled violently before her head joined in. After a while, she looked at me, eyes endlessly sad. “Where did I go wrong?”
“What?”
“With Cayson. Where did I go wrong?”
“He’s being a selfish asshole, Mom. That isn’t on you.”
A look passed across her face before it was gone. But I saw enough to know she thought I was wrong . . . that there was something she wasn’t telling me.
“Mom—”
“I can’t be here anymore,” she said, each word emphasized with her hands trying