I clenched my teeth tight and struggled under the weight of loathing bearing down on me.
But I stayed there. Frozen. Unable to say a word.
When the familiar red and blue lights bounced around at the edge of my vision, getting brighter and brighter as they pulled closer to the entrance of the restaurant, I sat back on my heels with a heavy sigh and looked to Savannah.
My world.
My everything.
With a stuttered exhale, she glanced my way. Looking all kinds of confused and trying so damn hard to hide something from me.
“Alex,” I gritted out, his name scraping up my throat as my stare shifted to him.
He pushed himself up to sitting and waved me off. “I knew better, man.”
My mouth parted just as the doors to the restaurant opened. My eyelids slowly shut as I placed my hands on the back of my head. Vacantly listening as the officers spoke and gave orders as the flashes I could remember from the past few minutes replayed in my mind, ending with Savannah beneath me again and again and again.
Jesus Christ.
I stood when the officer pulled on my cuffed hands and finally looked at the destruction around me.
The broken and toppled barstools. The spilled drinks and broken glass on the floor. Chips littering the bar and floor, baskets tossed carelessly around. Friends watching with varying expressions of disappointment and frustration. Strangers looking at me with shock and hints of fear. The guys who had intervened were pressing cloths to their bloodied faces and speaking to an officer.
And Savannah . . . struggling to find the expression she always wore after I lost control. The one that dared anyone to say something to me or her about what happened. Struggling to hold my stare.
Ripping out my fucking heart even though I’d been waiting for and expecting that reaction from Savannah for most of our lives.
I love you.
I love you.
I’m so damn sorry.
“Dixon.”
My stare shifted to the irritated-looking deputy standing at the holding cell door, and I slowly stood from the metal bench I’d been on since the night before.
He played with the keys in his hands before folding his arms over his chest, his head moving in faint shakes. “You gotta be about the luckiest son of a bitch I’ve ever met.”
Confusion and curiosity tugged at me, but I remained silent.
Waiting for him to take me to see the judge or get out whatever he felt he needed to say.
“When they brought you in last night,” he went on, “I thought this was gonna be the time we got you. Plenty of witnesses. Destruction of property.” He sucked in a breath through his teeth and shook his head again as he reached forward to unlock the cell. But once he had it opened, he stepped in front of me and held my stare. “One day, Dixon. One day . . . that luck’s gonna run out, and then you’re going nowhere. And I, for one, can’t fucking wait.”
A tic started in my jaw when he stepped even closer. Knowing exactly what he was doing by getting in my face.
Gently pushing.
Challenging.
Waiting for me to respond.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
“You’re free to go,” he drawled irritably. “You know the way.”
Once he stepped out of the way, I walked past him, heading down the familiar halls with him on my heels until I was on my way out.
Until I was on my way to her.
Slowly pacing the length of the lobby with her arms wrapped around her waist, her expression cold and warning anyone to try her.
When she saw me coming toward her, she stopped. Shoulders sagging slightly before she quickly straightened her back. Trying to be so strong when she shouldn’t have to.
When she should’ve never had to go through this shit at all—let alone . . . fuck, how many times has it been now?
She offered a supportive smile when I neared her. Short. Pained. Fake as fuck and lacking everything that was Savannah.
And it had a tendril of fear snaking through my chest.
“Be seein’ y’all soon,” the deputy stationed at the front desk said with a laugh.
Instead of firing back at him as she normally would, Savannah’s stare fell to the floor before she closed her eyes tightly and turned for the doors. But the tears she hadn’t been quick enough to hide rooted me in place for long seconds before I was able to follow.