Finding Beauty in the Darkness - Nikki Ash Page 0,21

them, got it?” While I’m here? Does that mean he’s going to let me go?

I give Giovanni a small smile and thank the guys. Even though I’m almost ninety-nine percent sure he’s going to force me to stay here, I appreciate him trying to make me feel comfortable and safe, especially after having gone so long without feeling either one. Wow! You know your life has reached new levels of craziness when you’re thankful your new kidnapper is nicer than your previous kidnapper.

The three men leave, shutting the door behind them, and Giovanni goes back to the sitting room.

“I’m going to do an ultrasound first to see if we can find out why you’re bleeding.” Dr. Fox lifts my shirt and squirts blue gel on the lower part of my stomach. I flinch from the pain I feel when she presses down. “I’m sorry, sweetie, because of the bleeding, I don’t want to go in vaginally unless I have to.”

She switches on a monitor, and a black and white screen comes into view. “This is your uterus.” She points to the screen. She moves the transducer across my stomach continuing to spread the gel, not saying anything more. The silence is killing me, but I’m trying to let her do her job without asking a million questions.

“What’s wrong?” I finally ask.

She turns her face to me, and for the first time since I met her a short time ago, she gives me a look of pity—or maybe sympathy. “You’re pregnant. Well, you were. There’s no heartbeat. The bleeding you are experiencing is your body naturally miscarrying. I’m so sorry.”

The thought of my body carrying a baby from one of the men who have raped me hits me hard. I lurch forward and, grabbing the first thing I can find—the mug I drank my water from—I vomit.

Giovanni rushes to me, holding the trashcan out for me just in time as I hurl again and again until there’s nothing left inside my stomach. My abdomen screams in pain, but it’s the least of my concerns right now.

“What happened?” His voice stays calm, but I can hear the worry in his tone.

I finally stop heaving and answer him, knowing Dr. Fox won’t. “I was pregnant and I’m losing the baby.” Baby. The thought of a helpless little baby in my uterus brings tears of devastation to my eyes. The baby might have been half one of them, but the other half was me. It was my job to protect it and I didn’t. I should have known there was a baby in me. I should have protected my stomach better.

“Do we need to get her to a hospital?” Giovanni sounds worried.

“No,” Dr. fox says, answering Giovanni’s question, then directs her words towards me. “Aria, your body is currently doing what it’s made to do. I’m going to prescribe you something for the pain and a prescription to prevent infection. I’m also going to prescribe you a small dose of Xanax. But I’m going to have Giovanni give them to you. I don’t want you taking too much. Those drugs are highly addictive and we need to slowly ween you off them. Don’t worry, I’ll help you. I’ll come back in a few days to check on you.” Dr. Fox put her hands softly on my cheek. “I’m sorry for your loss, sweetie.” And then as if she can hear the thoughts running through my head, she adds, “This was not your fault.”

“I should have protected it.” A single drop of grief wells up in the corner of my eye. I’m so sick of crying but the blows keep coming one after the next. When will it stop?

“You were just under twelve weeks along. Your body knows how to protect itself. I know you are thinking this miscarriage was caused from you getting beat up, but you can’t know that. Miscarriages happen every day. It’s the body’s way of saying something isn’t right. There’s nothing you could’ve done differently.”

I know deep down miscarrying is for the best, especially given the circumstance, but it still hurts to know there was something precious inside of me. Even if created from rape, it was still a baby with a beating heart. I’m not sure if I would have been able to make the decision to abort the baby or if I was still with Weston, if he would have given me the choice one way or another, so maybe it was fate’s way of handling the situation