Finally (Neighbor from Hell #12) - R.L. Mathewson Page 0,88

absently only to shake her head in disgust as she frantically wiped at the tears that he would give anything to stop as she added, “Well, that’s perfect.”

“Charlie, I made a promise to my children that-”

“I don’t want to hear about your stupid promise, Devin. Okay? I just don’t!” she snapped as she pushed past him and headed into her bedroom.

“It wasn’t stupid!” he snapped back as he followed her.

“No, you’re right,” Charlie admitted with a firm nod as she turned around and faced him. “It wasn’t stupid. It was cruel.”

“How? How was it fucking cruel to make sure that my children were taken care of and never once, not fucking once, had to question how much I wanted them? I made sure they knew that they were loved and that they would always come first and-”

“And you really don’t think that you could have done that without giving up everything? Do you really think that Abbi and Dustin wanted to see their father miserable? Do you really think that they needed their father to punish himself because their mother didn’t want them?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he bit out, deciding that they’d finish this conversation later after she had a chance to calm down and headed for the door only to find himself cut off by the small woman that he’d never seen get angry before.

“You don’t think I know what it’s like to have a mother that doesn’t want you? Are you serious? That’s all I know, Devin!”

When he went to reach for her, she shoved his hands away as she continued. “But your kids don’t! They have no idea what it feels like not to be wanted by their mother and that’s because of you! She never got a chance to hurt them because you never gave her a chance to. You never reminded them that their mother didn’t want them. Instead, you made sure to tell them just how badly you wanted them and that made the difference. You gave them more love than they could have ever hoped for and you didn’t need a promise to do that, Devin. The only thing that promise did was cause pain.”

For a moment, he couldn’t say anything as he watched her shake her head in disgust as she turned around to leave and-

“Why aren’t Abbi and Dustin enough?” he asked, watching as she slowly turned back around to face him.

“Are you kidding me?” Charlie asked, shaking her head slowly in disbelief. “It’s because of them that I want children. Do you have any idea how much I love those kids? How much it kills me that I wasn’t there for them? I missed so much with those kids. I missed holding them when they were born, seeing their first smiles, the first time they crawled, walked, and a hundred other things that I will never experience with them and it kills me!”

“And I don’t want to go through that again! I don’t want to have to be scared out of my fucking mind every time one of my children gets a fever. I don’t want to have to sit by their cribs at night when they’re sick because I’m fucking terrified that they’ll get worse if I’m not there! I don’t want to have to worry about what will happen if I take my eyes off my children for even one fucking second because they keep getting into fucking everything! I don’t want to lay in my bed at night, fucking terrified to close my eyes because my kids might need me and I won’t be there for them! I don’t want to have to worry that I’m not doing enough for them or that I’m not giving them something that they need! I don’t want to have to worry about what will happen to my children if something happens to me. I don’t want to have to go through that alone again, Charlie.”

“You wouldn’t be alone, Devin.”

“Charlie, I-” he said, reaching for her only to have her step away from him, again.

“You’re a great father, Devin, but you are a lousy boyfriend,” she said, grabbing her bag.

“Because I don’t want more children? That makes me a lousy boyfriend?” he snapped.

“No, it’s because you were willing to hurt me in order to keep a promise that you never should have made in the first place,” Charlie said, and with that, she walked out.

*-*-*-*

“We’re going to need more pink,” Abbi said, sighing heavily as she glanced from