Fiends and Familiars - Debra Dunbar Page 0,6
Drake hissed that I should call him Pain-In-The-Ass. That seemed a bit long, so instead I decided to call him Hemorrhoid—Rhoid for short.
The squirrel seemed pretty pissed off about that, but too bad. If he wasn’t going to offer up an alternative and didn’t like Sequoia, then Rhoid it was. It did seem to fit him. And if he’d spent his whole life with an unpronounceable name, then this couldn’t be much worse.
Per Drake’s request we followed up Ladyhawke by watching The Birds—not exactly the best choice right before bedtime, but I hated to disappoint the vulture. The squirrels were quite alarmed by the plot and twenty minutes in, Oak, Maple, and Pine were all hidden behind me on the couch. Every time the birds would attack, the three made loud kuk-kuk noises as they would to warn each other of predators in the wild. Rhoid proved to be more stoic, sitting by the empty popcorn bowls while the movie played—although at one point he did edge a little closer to me.
When the credits had finished rolling, I turned off the TV and went around the house doing my usual check. Stove was off. Doors were locked. Wards were in place. I glanced outside and saw that the rib bones were gone. Either the dog-thing had come back to get them or some other neighborhood canine had discovered the treat. I didn’t sense anything particularly odd, so I finished my nighttime routine and went to bed.
A huge monster came to me in the night, chasing me through the woods. He had long white fangs, glowing red eyes, and horns, and I could not persuade him to stop. Suddenly I was at my truck, and trying to trap the monster in a cage, but each time I thought I had him, he’d break free. I tried to get in the truck to drive away, but the doors were all locked, so I ran.
My legs moved like they were stuck in molasses. He was closing in on me, his breath hot against the back of my legs. When he tackled me I braced, expecting my body to hit hard against the ground. Instead I bounced on something soft and cool, and opened my eyes to see that I was on a bed.
The monster rolled me over, pinning me on the mattress with his body. I should have been terrified, but I wasn’t. Heat shot through me and I arched against him, wanting this creature like I’d never wanted anyone before in my life. His red eyes raked down my naked body and I writhed, breathless and desperate to feel him inside me. He rocked his hips and I gasped as he slid across my wet folds. Now. Oh now. Why was he waiting? Why were those damned squirrels making so much noise?
Squirrels. My eyes flew open and I scrambled to get out of bed. The sheet tangled around my legs and down I went onto the floor. Rhoid’s dark eyes stared at me from under the bed, his little paws clasped tightly together. Oak, Maple, and Pine were sounding their alarm, and Drake was joining in with a series of hisses and beak-clacking. I managed to get myself untangled from my bedsheet and ran to the window, calling my magic to me. I was very limited in what I could do, but an intruder would definitely be deterred by ants swarming all over him, or owls dive bombing him.
There on the front lawn was the dog-thing. He was sniffing around the lawn, but as I looked at him, his head swiveled and his eyes met mine.
They glowed an orange-red. But unlike the monster in my dream, I didn’t feel either scared or turned on. No, I felt annoyed. This guy had interrupted a really good dream—a dream in which I was about to get laid, a dream in which I’d been about to have some mind-blowing, epic sex. I hadn’t had the real thing in quite a while, and a dream like that was as good as it was going to get, even if I had been about to have sex with some horned, fanged monster.
I yanked open the window and leaned out, not caring if I woke the neighbors or not.
“Hey! Yeah, you. Asshole. I fed you liver treats. I fed you rib bones. Now get lost. Go on.”
The dog-thing stared at me in amazement. I felt his confusion, felt him wishing there were more rib bones on the lawn. Then