FenceStriking Distance - Sarah Rees Brennan Page 0,86

it didn’t matter. This lousy school doesn’t matter, and none of the people in it matter. Am I wrong?”

Seiji hesitated.

Jesse’s eyes gleamed. “You’re the only one here who matters, so, Seiji, would you just—”

“Do I matter?” asked Seiji. “To you?”

“Of course!” said Jesse. “Why else am I here? I’m sick and tired of training with a third-best.”

Occasionally, Seiji used to force himself to smile at jokes he didn’t think were funny. It seemed like he should make the effort to smile. Except when he did so, people actually took a step back.

Seiji smiled that humorless smile now. Jesse didn’t take a step back, but for an instant he looked as if he wanted to.

“How flattering,” said Seiji, “to be considered always second-best.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that,” Jesse told him. “I mean, it’s understood, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t understand,” said Seiji. “Now I do.”

“Just—don’t think about it that way, Seiji,” Jesse urged. “Think about it this way: We’re the ideal opponents. I’m even better when you’re with me. Without each other, neither of us is the best we can be. Doesn’t that make sense?”

It did. And Seiji did want to be the best he could be.

Seiji nodded.

“So won’t you come?” asked Jesse, coaxing now, almost irresistible.

He didn’t want to be a broken mirror.

Seiji thought, senselessly, I wish Nicholas was here.

He didn’t even know why he wished that. Nicholas hadn’t been much help last time. In fact, he’d gotten in the way and embarrassed Seiji severely.

But Seiji hadn’t submitted and climbed into the limousine last time. He was afraid this time that he would. Part of him wanted to.

But part of him didn’t. He wasn’t sure what part he should listen to. This was all so complicated, and he wanted life to be simple. He preferred to be certain about how he felt and what he was doing.

Going with Jesse would be simple. Jesse was always clear about what he wanted. If he were with Jesse, Seiji would always be able to see what he should do and how his future would be.

But Nicholas would be surprised and even distressed if Seiji left, and Seiji would prefer not to upset Nicholas. And though Exton was a better school and would optimize Seiji’s chances for the Olympics, Seiji had the odd, nebulous feeling his father might want him to stay at Kings Row.

Mr. Coste was so proud of Jesse. Seiji had often watched them together and thought how it would be if Mr. Coste were his father and that proud of him.

Only Mr. Coste wasn’t his father, and Seiji didn’t want him to be. It was the pride Seiji had wanted. He’d never been sure how to get his parents to be proud of him, and Mr. Coste seemed an easier proposition, but Seiji had never turned his back on a challenge in his life.

Always keep moving toward your target, his dad said in his mind.

Which choice would make his father proud?

And, Seiji thought, what would make me proud of myself? He remembered the moment when Jesse took his sword with excruciating clarity. He had never been less proud of himself. He wanted to be with Jesse at Exton, but he never wanted to relive that moment. If he returned to Jesse’s side, he would be declaring that low point was where he belonged.

“I won’t go,” Seiji said with sudden determination.

“Why not?” asked Jesse. “Explain it to me so that I can understand.”

Seiji stared helplessly. He couldn’t explain his reasoning to Jesse. He could barely explain it to himself. If he tried, Jesse would laugh at him and Seiji would feel ridiculous and he would get in the car.

“See?” Jesse persisted. “You can’t. Look, Seiji, I understand your pride is hurt, and you don’t want to back down, but there’s no shame in changing your mind when you’ve made a bad decision. The real shame is in sticking with the decision that will ruin your game and wreck your future. Seiji, I am thinking about you. I require your presence at Exton. Deep down, you already know it’s the right thing to do. You can’t even give me a single reason why you would stay. Trust me. I know what you want, better than you do. I know you want to come with me.”

Jesse’s voice had as strong a grip on him after all these years as Jesse’s hand on his wrist. Slowly, reluctantly, Seiji let himself be pulled forward a step toward the road.

Then an entirely unexpected sound stopped him in his