Feels Like Falling - Kristy Woodson Harvey Page 0,51
apart, I’d been trying to focus on gratitude. And these bangles were a constant reminder of the good: This night. Wagner. The years I had with my mom. The stars. This house. The way the grass feels under my feet.
Andrew studied my face intently for a few seconds. “You take such good care of everyone. Who takes care of you?”
He kissed me. And I added Andrew to the list.
diana: that wink
My favorite picture of me is one on my first day of sixth grade, and I’m standing there smiling and all optimistic. My new mom in foster care, she took that picture to make me feel special on the first day of school. Thinking back on it, she was always trying to make me feel special.
She was the first mom I had after my real mom, and she was the best. She was a nice mom. I mean, she had rules and stuff. We had to make our beds and clean up our rooms and set the table for dinner. But she checked my homework every night and snuggled up beside me on the couch to watch TV. Most important, she taught me how to cook. That was a real big deal to me. It was what started my dream of opening my own restaurant one day. Now that little napkin tucked in my back pocket with the drawing of that falling-apart boat was continuing it.
They say that people who lived through the Depression store stuff up because they’ve lived through something so traumatic they never want to do that again. It’s the same with me. I’d lived through being totally alone, so instead of storing up stuff, I stored up skills. I needed to know how to cook and clean and do laundry, how to sew on buttons, mend tears, fix my own hair.
I only got to live with my first foster mom for two years before her husband got transferred away for work. I cried and begged and pleaded to go with them, but that wasn’t in the cards. It was the second time I’d gotten left behind, but it was easier that time. I knew what to expect, and I knew how to take care of myself.
I think that’s why taking care of Gray felt so right. I saw a little bit of my young abandoned self in her. And now, in just two more days, I was going to be taking care of Wagner too. I couldn’t wait to meet the kid, but I was turned inside out about it too. Gray was acting like the queen was coming to visit. I’d never seen anyone so distracted. She’d be eating breakfast and then she’d pop up and say, “Wagner will need new bathing suits. I need to run to the surf shop.”
And then she’d be working on her computer, and I’d hear her on her phone saying, “Trey, can you see if we can get tickets to that Cirque du Soleil show that’s coming?”
And when I thought she was upstairs I’d see the car pulling out of the driveway because she just remembered that Wagner would want Rice Krispies Treats and she didn’t have the stuff to make them. All in all, she was wearing me the hell out with her nervous energy. And he wasn’t even back yet. I was terrified too, because Gray didn’t have to say one word for me to realize that if Wagner didn’t like me, I was out.
Finally I just sat her down and said, “Honey, you’re his momma. No fancy Europe trip or shiny anything can change that.”
“I know. I know that. But he’s eight, and he’s too young to have all his priorities straight. What if he loves Brooke? What if he has so much fun with Greg that he wants to live with him all the time?”
Poor Gray. All those things could happen. They could. And she wasn’t wrong to be worried. But she didn’t need to drive herself up the wall. “Look, honey, if I were you I’d just try to get real clear with Greg that none of that’s going to happen. A solid arrangement in writing is insurance for him too, because Wagner could just as easily decide he wants to live with you all the time.”
She glanced down at her phone and smiled, and I knew that, just for a second anyway, she had forgotten all about Greg and Wagner and whose house he’d love more. I felt a pang in my gut,