drive?” he asked. “I can’t believe I actually miss driving.”
“I don’t mind at all. I’m sick of driving.”
He held the passenger door for her. “Thanks for coming up to see me so often and for bringing Alex. You guys saved my sanity.”
“Of course we came to see you. We missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” He leaned in to kiss her before he went around to get into the driver’s seat. For a long time, he didn’t move, and then he turned to her. “I know I’ve said this to you before, but it bears repeating. I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, Tommy.”
“Yes, I really do. I let my grief take over every aspect of my life, including my relationships with you and Alex. I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
Christina reached for his hand and cradled it between both of hers. “You didn’t let anything happen. An awful thing was done to your beloved partner. Every ounce of the blame belongs on the shoulders of the man who killed him. I don’t hold you responsible for any of it. No one does.”
“Some people do, I’m sure.”
“No one who matters blames you, Tommy, and that’s what I want to talk to you about. You’re not taking that plea deal.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.
“How do you even know about that?”
“I hear things. Things I should be hearing from you, I might add.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“When? After you signed something that would effectively end your once-promising career?”
“I need to take responsibility for what I did so I have credibility with my colleagues.”
“Okay, so take responsibility without pleading guilty to a crime that’ll ruin your career.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’re other ways you can take responsibility without pleading to a crime. Tell me you realize that.”
“Um, well, you may have to fill in the blanks for me. How am I supposed to do that?”
“You give an interview to a reporter you trust. You come clean on what the last year has been like for you since that awful night in January and confess to the mistakes you made in the name of grief. You own it without letting it ruin you.”
“And what do I do about the people within the department who think I need to pay for breaking the law?”
Christina leaned in toward him, looking him dead in the eyes. “Fuck. Them.”
He laughed. “Well, all righty, then.”
“I’m dead serious, Tommy. Anyone in the department who’d criticize how you handled the murder of your partner can go fuck themselves. They don’t know what you’ve been through unless it’s happened to them, and thank God it hasn’t happened to them. Skip understood what you went through because he lived it too. He’s the only one I know who could possibly get it—and he did understand. Better than anyone. The rest of them don’t matter to you or to us. If they never respect you again, so what? You can’t control what other people do. You can only control how you react to them, and if you take that plea, you’re giving them power over you that they don’t deserve. They haven’t earned it by having their partner killed right in front of them.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“It’s all I’ve thought about since I heard you were considering the plea. Please don’t do it. You may think it’ll fix things, but it’ll only make everything worse in the long run. When you get a few years out from the horror of this last year, you’ll regret having signed away your career.”
“You make good points. There’s a meeting about it tomorrow with the chief, Malone, Sam and the AUSA overseeing the case.”
“I want to be there.”
“We can make that happen.”
“Good. And just so you know, I’m going to say the same thing to them that I said to you.”
“I figured as much.”
“Someone needs to fight for you, Tommy, and that’s going to be me—and Sam. She’s as upset about this as I am.”
“With you two on my side, I can’t lose.” He leaned across the center console and reached for her, kissing her the way he used to before disaster struck, with hunger and tenderness and sweetness. “I love you so much. You’ll never know how many times thoughts of you and Alex saved me.”
“We love you too.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me, Christina. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”