The rest of my friends were relegated to the very back of the room, but Zan was so tall I could see his dark head of hair every time I turned.
His parents were here, too, also sitting in the back. I’d seen them come in, but I was waiting for the moment when they came through the line to pay their respects. His mother had never liked me. Not that it mattered now.
They played James Taylor, Dad’s favorite, as people lined up to hug and tell us how sorry they were.
More words, words, words and talking, talking, talking. I wished I could put them all on mute, like an annoying commercial.
Yes, they were sorry about Dad, but you could tell that every single one of them was glad it wasn’t their family, that it wasn’t their dad or uncle or brother. They couldn’t hide it, when they looked at you. That little glimmer of pity and relief.
After the service we all drove over to the local VFW hall to have a little open house my Mom and Aunt Carol had organized. It was a way to allow people to make more sympathy casseroles stuffed with tuna and peas and sorry for your losses.
I wanted to skip the whole thing, but Mom would have killed me.
“You guys don’t have to come,” I said as we stood in the parking lot. The air was so cold that it made our lungs and throat hurt when we breathed in, and it smelled like snow. Dad always claimed he could smell the snow, and Mom always said he was crazy.
“Are you kidding? We wouldn’t miss it,” Lottie said, giving me a little side hug. I actually didn’t mind her hugs. She was so tiny that they were never smothering.
“We’re all here for you, girl,” Trish said and they all agreed.
God, I didn’t deserve them and that was the thing that brought my first tears forward in days. During the service I’d pretended because what kind of horrible daughter didn’t sob at her dad’s funeral?
“Here.” Stryker was prepared with a crisp white handkerchief that looked like he’d just taken it out of a package.
“Thanks,” I said, taking it. I should probably be with my mom and Kayla and the rest of my family.
“We should probably head over,” I said to Stryker.
“You should go with your family. I’ll be right behind you.” Mom and Kayla walked out of the funeral home and I could tell they were looking for me.
He flashed the words written on his hand and started walking toward his car. I said goodbye to everyone else and walked toward Mom and Kayla, giving each of them hugs.
Only a few days ago my biggest problem was that Mom didn’t like Stryker and he was pushing me away. How fast things could change.
Chapter Twenty-one
Stryker
We all made it through the open house and then it was time for everyone to get back to school, and it was time for me to go with them.
“So, I’m going to drive Trish back,” I said as Katie tossed what was left of the food.
“What?” She looked at me as if I’d just announced I was going to the moon.
“Yeah, I really need to get back to school and…everything.” It was the lamest of lame excuses. This morning I’d packed up my stuff and loaded up my car with it while she’d been in the shower. Like a fucking coward.
She stared for another second and then shook her head.
“Yeah, yeah, of course. You have to get back to your life.”
There was another moment of silence, and it was awkward. After we’d become so close, this seemed very anti-climactic.
“Thank you,” she said, tossing something that looked like leftover baby food into the trash can, “for everything. I’ll never be able to say it enough, but I don’t know what I would have done without you.” She set the dish down and gave me a hug.
I tried not to hold her too tight, or pull her too close. She’d been hugged enough today, and if I were her, I wouldn’t want another one.
That didn’t stop me from leaning down and smelling her hair and letting myself surround her for just a second.
“See you around?” I should win an award for the most moronic goodbye ever spoken.
“Um, yeah. I guess.”
“Let me know if you need anything. Anytime.”
I let her go and stepped away. She looked like she was going to cry again, so I