us had to be anywhere. She was completely and totally running away from her problems, but that seemed to be her thing, and I wasn’t going to tell her what to do. Not this time. I’d told her not to go see Zack and she’d done it anyway, and look where that had gotten her.
Even though she closed the door, I could still hear every move she made. Every time she turned over, which was quite frequently, I wanted to get up and go climb in bed with her. All I could think about was how perfectly her back fit against my front, how perfectly my arms fit around her and how perfect her head felt when it was tucked into my shoulder.
I’d closed all the curtains, but daylight still invaded the apartment, and since I couldn’t sleep, I spent the time I wanted to be sleeping telling myself all the reasons Katie and I would never work. Yes, I’d said I didn’t want to be her boyfriend, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to say goodbye to her. She’d sort of dropped into my life and now I couldn’t see going back to a time without her.
“Stryker?” her soft voice called to me from a crack in my bedroom door.
I didn’t roll over because I knew I would somehow find her eyes, and if I did, I was a goner. “Yeah?”
“I can’t sleep.” That made two of us.
“Normally people go to bed when it’s dark, but we were too busy with our second Thanksgiving.” Shit, that was mean. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just really tired, Katie.”
“Me too.”
“Then go to sleep.” Her soft footsteps were like drumbeats as she crossed the floor and stood behind the couch. I turned my head and there she was in all her gorgeous wearing-my-clothes-and-sexy-bedhead glory. She leaned her forearms over the edge of the couch and it was all I could do not to grab them and yank her on top of me.
“I can’t. Every time I do, I just remember all the things I’ve fucked up lately.”
I wanted her to go away. I wanted her to go back in her room so I couldn’t smell her skin or watch her breathe or see her wide brown eyes.
“Well count some fucking sheep then, Katie.”
She was only shocked for a second.
“You’re pushing me away and I want to know why, Stryker.”
“Maybe because I just want to get some sleep, Katherine.” I’d never used her full first name, but I knew it would get her attention. A little smirk tugged at her lips and she leaned further over the couch so I could feel her every breath on my bare chest. I only had my boxers on, but at least my lower half was covered with a bit of a blanket that Trish had made me. I was going to have to shift positions very soon so she wouldn’t see my hard on.
“There you go again, Stryker Abraham Grant.” I had no idea who the hell had told her my middle name, but I was going to strangle them the first chance I got. I re-arranged the blanket so it covered more of my chest and glared at her.
“Why are you pushing me away now? Is it because you’re scared that you feel something for me? Because…you’re not the only one.” She looked down when she said the last part, which was why I knew it was true, and not just a way to get me admit something.
“It’s crazy, I know. You and me, we don’t make sense. At all,” she whispered.
“No, we don’t.” I could agree with her on that.
“But I’ve been thinking about something you said to me. About the fact that I was trying to be something I wasn’t. It’s not completely true, but it’s not completely untrue, either. I’ve lived my whole life under the shadow of my sister, and I guess I never really stopped to think about who I was. I was always trying to not be her, but wanting desperately to be her at the same time. That makes absolutely no sense at all.” She shook her head, and it fell over her shoulders and in her face. I pushed some of it back.
“No, it makes complete sense.”
She leaned her head against my hand. “I knew you’d understand.”
“So now you have to figure out who you are, Katherine Ann Hallman. When you do, let me know.” I took my hand away and rolled