and happy tears. There were so many emotions flooding my mind that I was afraid I was going to burst with them. The world felt like it was about to end.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I said, finally pulling away from her sweet lips. I had to get this all out. It had been slowly killing me.
“Shh, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Granted, I’m not thrilled you had sex with her, but it’s not going to make me stop loving you. And it’s not your fault what happened to her. How could you possibly think that was your fault?” She shook me a little, as if trying to shake the thought out of my head.
I led her to the couch and sat her down, telling her the whole story. About how I’d slept with Ric and the entire time I’d thought of Katie, and how Ric had been threatening to tell on me and how she’d showed up and the awful things I’d said to her and…now she was dead. I could never take those words back. They were the last I’d said to her, and that would never change.
She stayed in my lap as I talked, stroking my hair and listening in silence. It felt good to hold her, to have something to ground me while I talked, slicing the words out with the sharpest of knives. They came, little bleeding chunks that left holes, and pain behind. Finally, I was done and we both listened to the silence that filled the room.
“Blame is easy, isn’t it? Blaming yourself, blaming someone else,” she said, resting her head in the perfect spot on my shoulder. It felt like had been made just for her.
“I wouldn’t say it was easy.”
“Maybe easy isn’t the right word. Maybe…it’s like you want to do something, and blame is the easiest path to find. It’s simple, and it gives you something to do. Something to focus on, because the reality is harder.”
“I think you’re right.” I pulled my fingers through her hair. “Thank you for saving me.”
“I didn’t save you. If anyone has gotten saved, it’s me. That day in the hospital, you were…you were everything I needed. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you.” She took the hand that wasn’t in her hair and kissed it.
“How about we just agree that we saved each other?” She tilted her head up.
“Deal?”
“You and me,” I said.
“No space.”
“Always.” She kissed my lips and I believed her. Believed in us.
***
For the second time in two months, I attended a funeral. Ric’s was smaller than Mr. Hallman’s, and there were significantly more piercings and tattoos present. This time, though, I had a beautiful girl by my side, her hand in mine.
Things are always sadder somehow, when someone young dies. Trish was a wreck again, but she had the whole gang holding her up, and I saw her chatting with some guy in the parking lot afterward. She was smiling and not crying anymore, which was what made me look, even more than the fact that she was talking to a guy.
“Who’s that?” Katie whispered to me.
“Um, I think that’s Ric’s stepbrother, or cousin or something.” I remembered seeing him with her family.
“He’s cute,” she said, looking him up and down. He had electric blue curly hair, which clashed with the crisp black suit he was wearing. I watched Trish talk to him, putting her hand on his arm and laughing.
“Oh my God, is she laughing?” Simon said, letting his eyes leave Brady’s for one second.
“Should we call someone?” Will said, putting his coat on Audrey’s shoulders, despite her assurances that she wasn’t cold. “Like, maybe there’s radiation in her apartment and it’s caused a brain tumor that is altering her personality. Or maybe it’s aliens.”
“You always think it’s aliens,” Lottie said, rolling her eyes. “Have you ever thought of the fact that she might just be attracted to him? That has been known to happen every now and then.” She gave Zan a wink and he gave her one back. “I think it’s romantic, in a weird way. Has Nicholas Sparks written a book where the couple meets at a funeral?”
“No, but I think there was a movie. You made me watch it once,” Will said, snapping his fingers. “You know, with that British guy and the hair.”
“Hugh Grant?” Katie said.
“That’s it,” Will said, snapping his fingers again.
“Well anyway, I think it’s great,” Katie said. “There’s a lid for every pot.”