“Yeah, I heard him shout at you,” he said. “And no, I’m not dancin’ around that ’cause Preacher has something good in his life for once and I’m not gonna let him fuck it up.”
“Shawn, I don’t want to talk about this.”
“’Course you don’t. You just got a dose of the wild side of your man and it’s tweaked you. But, China, listen to me, you know better.”
“I know better than what?”
“You know better than to give up on something that’s as good for you as Preacher.”
I stared into his beautiful black eyes with their spiky lashes in his handsome face and said nothing because I knew how good Preacher was.
But what I’d just had from Preacher was very bad.
“You gotta keep that wild side tamed, baby girl,” he advised quietly.
“And what? Let him yell in my face?” I asked.
“Don’t fight him,” he said, sober as a judge. “Don’t ever fight him, Lyla. Not like that and not when he gets like that. And if he starts edging that way, you find your ways and talk him down. You do not let it escalate to what I just heard.”
“That’s not on me.”
He shook his head. “No. You are one hundred percent right. It isn’t. But you want him, you love him, you want this to last, there’s gonna be more reasons than just you two having it out when you’re going to have to keep him smooth, girl. Are you hearing me?”
“I am and you’re scaring me,” I told him.
He let my hands go. “It’s harsh, but the only thing I got to give to that is you better grow up, Lyla. You want a man like Preacher, you can’t be a girl. You gotta be a woman who can handle her man. And I think you’re not only hearing me. I think you get me.”
I stood between his knees, staring at him and feeling my heart beat hard.
Because I had a feeling I did get him.
“They fucked him up,” he stated bluntly, giving me proof my feeling was correct. “And it’s a goddamned miracle he’s not some hood. Some piece a’ trash worse than them. A criminal. A con. A million other things, not one of them good. And you know it. So that edge breaks through, Lyla, you soothe it, or you cut him loose and let him find someone who can.”
I took a slow step away.
“I know you’re that woman,” he coaxed when I did. “You know you’re that woman. And most important for both of us, Preach knows you’re that woman. Now he’s gonna come back and he’s gonna have cooled down and he’s gonna feel like a motherfucker he was a dick to you and it’s up to you whether you talk to him about it or whether you let it go and just learn to keep him smooth.”
I didn’t move and I didn’t say a word.
Therefore, DuShawn continued.
“And you need to talk, you need to hash it out, you find me, baby girl. You can tell me what a motherfucker he is and rant all you like, and I’ll take it. I’ll agree with you. I’ll bear this burden with you. So he won’t. But he’s had enough. He had more than anyone should bear by the time he was fuckin’ nine years old and he became the man he is, so when the wild comes out, the people around him have to keep their own shit and help him deal.”
“Do you know all that happened?” I whispered.
He shook his head. “He never told me all of it, baby. But he lived right next door. And shit that shitty, you can’t hide.”
I took in a broken breath.
“We a team on this?” Shawn asked.
“I love him,” I told him.
I didn’t realize how tight his body was strung until I saw it relax.
And he said, “Then we’re a team.”
[Lyla stares out the window for some time and does this silently]
Jesse:
The next five years went by in a blur.
Kid you not, if I didn’t have my notebooks, except for the big shit, I probably wouldn’t remember a thing.
In the beginning, before she graduated, it was good for Preacher that Lyla was back in Indiana.
We got into the studio and stuck into that album, none of us came up for air, and the coupla months she was still in LA, he was a man torn.
Then after that…
Well…
Shit.
When we were recording and she was still in LA, she would come in, but not often. I could