already rung and the school felt strangely empty, like they were the only two people left on campus. If this were a TV show, Maya thought to herself, this would be when the zombie invasion started. “Spill it.”
“Spill what?” Maya asked, deliberately not looking at Claire. “You already know everything.”
“I know one basic fact, that’s it.” Claire’s face suddenly softened, and she put her hands on Maya’s shoulders. “My,” she said, and her voice was so quiet that it hurt Maya more than if she had been shouting. “What happened? Lauren said she was in the hospital. She said that you rode in the ambulance.”
Maya gnawed on her lower lip, looking everywhere but at Claire. “She hit her head, that’s all. She had a concussion. And then my dad took her to rehab in Palm Springs and moved back in with us.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Claire’s hands were moving her hair back from her shoulders now, and Maya couldn’t tell if she wanted to step closer to her or run away and never look back. She felt so exposed, and they weren’t even her secrets. They were her mother’s, for fuck’s sake.
“Because we broke up,” Maya said, trying her best to put the perfect “duh” tone in her voice.
Claire sighed in a way that made her sound like a disappointed parent. “Maya, seriously? You think everything has to just stop? We had a fight. Why does that mean it has to be over?”
Maya found herself thinking about Joaquin and Birdie, how Joaquin had said that he and Maya had the same dysfunction. For all the times that Maya had thought about her biological family, she had wondered whether or not they looked alike, if they had the same laugh or smile or double-jointed thumbs. She never thought they’d share the same stupid breakup stories.
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Maya said, trying to step around Claire again. “I’m serious, Claire. I need to go to class.”
“Lauren also said that you were going to look for your biological mom.”
“She what?” Maya had been a step away, but she whirled around, red like a wound exploding, sending blood straight into the sky. “Look,” she said, “let’s get one thing straight. I don’t need you and my little sister gossiping about me, okay? If you want to know something, you can ask me—”
“No, I can’t, Maya!” Claire shouted back. “That’s the problem! You keep everything from me! You didn’t tell me about your mom, you never talked to me about finding your brother and sister, and now you want to find your bio mom and you don’t even bring it up, not even once?”
“If I wanted to talk about it, I would!”
“I don’t believe you! I think you’ve been keeping your mom’s secrets and now her secrets are starting to ruin your life.”
Maya was shaking, literally trembling with the force of her anger. But was it anger? Was this what it felt like to be truly angry, or was it something bigger, more complicated? Was this what it felt like to be exposed, for all of her private thoughts to be laid bare in front of the one person who she had wanted to be perfect for?
“Stop texting with my sister,” Maya said instead, her teeth gritted so tight that her jaw pulsed a little. “I mean it!”
And then she turned and started walking toward her class. “Maya!” Claire yelled after her, but Maya hugged her bag tighter and started to run. It felt good to move, to have her lungs ache and her chest heave. She wanted the pain to match how she felt.
She wanted it to hurt.
The next Sunday, when Maya met with Grace and Joaquin, everybody was cranky.
One look at Grace’s straw pretty much told Maya that she was not in a good way. Maya had no idea how she could drink out of it without cutting up her mouth. “Have you thought about maybe just sipping straight from the cup?” Maya asked at one point.
Grace glared at her, then glanced over her shoulder. They were at a Starbucks at the outdoor mall near Grace’s house, sitting out on the patio, and Grace looked like she was waiting for a sniper to take her out. Just watching her made Maya feel edgy. “God, Grace,” she said at one point. “No one’s out to get you.”
Grace huffed out a laugh that made Maya wonder if her sister perhaps had Mob ties.