them so tight that his arms ached and he thought that this must be what forgiveness felt like, pain and hurt and relief all balled up together, pressing against his heart so that it might burst.
“Dad,” he whispered. “Mom.”
Joaquin’s parents just held him tighter.
And they never let him go.
LANDING
MAYA
The inside of the rehab center feels chilly after she’s been out in the late-February sun of Palm Springs. Maya feels her eyes relax once she steps inside, the bright blue sky no longer bearing down on her, and it’s so quiet in the front lobby that she can hear her own footsteps as she walks up to the front desk.
“I’m Maya,” she says. “I’m here to see my mother, Diane?”
Maya’s dad dropped her off out front, after she had sworn numerous times that she didn’t need him to come in with her, and drove to a nearby Starbucks to wait for her. “Just text me if you need me,” he told her at least fifteen times. “I can be there in five minutes, no problem.”
Lauren stayed home. She’s already been to visit their mother three other times, but Maya hasn’t been ready. She still isn’t sure if she’s ready, even after months of family therapy and one-on-one therapy and talks with Claire and Joaquin and Grace—but it’s her mother. There’s no way to avoid seeing her ever again.
The man at the front desk leads Maya down a linoleum-tiled hallway and into what looks like a rec room. There’s a pool table and foosball table, as well as several couches and, tellingly, boxes of Kleenex.
Her mom’s sitting in a chair over in the far corner of the room, and her face lights up when she sees Maya. She’s gained weight, Maya thinks with a start. Her cheeks have filled out a little bit, and her hair looks darker and longer. She looks, Maya realizes, healthy. It’s been a long time since her mom has looked that way.
“Sweetie,” her mom says. She stands and reaches out for her, but Maya takes a step back. She’s not ready for a hug yet. It’s been three months, but she’s still angry, still resentful. Her therapist said that it would take time, and Maya decided to believe her.
“You’re so tall!” her mom says instead, clasping Maya’s hands in hers. “Did you grow? You look so big to me, Mysie.”
“Mom, seriously? You’re making it sound like it’s been years since you saw me.”
Her mom’s face doesn’t change, though. “I can’t believe you’re almost sixteen.”
“Believe it,” Maya says, blushing.
“Lauren told me a few things,” her mom says. “You and Claire are back together?”
Maya nods. “Three months now. I really love her, Mom.”
“Well, I think that’s wonderful, honey. I’m so happy for you. And for Claire, too, of course.”
“Do you want to sit?” Maya asks her. “There’s, like, a thousand couches in here.”
They choose a couch near the back of the room, sitting next to each other. The silence is awkward, and they both know it. It’s been a long time since they’ve talked to each other, even before rehab.
“So I want you to know—” her mom starts to say.
“So you should know—” Maya begins, and then they’re laughing. “You first,” she says. “Go ahead.”
“Okay. Well, then, I just wanted you to know . . .” Her mom’s voice breaks a little, and she glances down briefly at her lap before looking Maya right in the eye. “I want you to know that I am very, very sorry for all the things that I’ve put you and our family through. You and Lauren, you were my secret keepers, and I want you to know that it’s not going to be like that anymore. I’ve done a lot of work in here, I’ve made a lot of changes, and I’m ready to come home and make things right.”
Maya nods as her eyes well up. She’s fairly certain that there isn’t a family in the world that cries as much as hers. “I know,” she says. “It’s okay.”
“No, sweetie, it’s not.” Her mom leans forward and puts her hands on Maya’s shoulders. “It’s not okay, but we’re going to try and make it better, Dad and me. I want you and Lauren to have that. I don’t want”—her mom’s voice wavers again—“I don’t want you to look back and remember me like I used to be. I want you to be proud of me.”
Maya nods again, too overwhelmed to speak at first. “I am proud of you, Mom,” she finally says.