too embarrassed to admit they couldn’t read, so they let us pass.
Reptiles had a certain smell about them, and even though my senses were dulled thanks to the embalming process, I could instantly tell that some giant lizard lived within the tent. Of course, I could see the huge dragon, which was my second clue. Alvina pinched her fingers around her nose.
“Oh, visitors!” boomed the dragon in a lilting female voice. “I’m on a break between performances.” Alice leaned forward with a gigantic scaly head, slit eyes the size of basketballs, and fangs that would have made a great white shark pee in the water. Her green and gold scales were like garbage-can lids. “Did you come to interview me? King Dred likes the publicity, but he never sends the press anymore.” She snorted. “Once, I ate a reporter who asked an embarrassing question. Is this a softball interview?”
Alice settled herself on top of a pile of treasure—gold coins, chains, chests of jewels, battered suits of armor, swords with gem-inlaid hilts. The wealth I saw was enough for a comfortable retirement account, even for a long-lived dragon, but the amount did look a little disappointing. When Alice shifted her position, coins, chains, and gilded blades rattled beneath her. “Is this my good side?” She turned a head the size of a rowboat.
“We’re here to talk to you about a sword, ma’am,” I said, using my best professional PI voice. “The Renaissance king hired us to find Excalibur.”
Alice grumbled. “Excalibur, Excalibur! I have plenty of treasure, and all anybody wants to talk about is Excalibur.”
“Isn’t the sword famous?” I asked. “From a movie, or something?”
Alice blinked her huge eyes. “You don’t know the story of Excalibur?” Sheyenne and Robin both looked at me in surprise.
Alvina sighed. “Excalibur was the sword of King Arthur. Only the rightful king can draw it from the stone.” The little vampire girl was constantly getting her information from the internet, so she was better informed than I.
“That must be why King Dred wants it,” Robin said. “It legitimizes his rule over the Real Renaissance Faire.”
“Isn’t it all just fun and games?” Sheyenne asked. “Costumes and jousting acts? It’s not a real legendary sword.”
“After the Big Uneasy, who knows what’s real anymore?” I asked. “If dragons can be real, then Excalibur can be real.” I turned back to Alice. “So, can you tell us what happened to the sword?” I stepped closer, trying to be congenial. I could smell the dragon’s breath.
“Excalibur was part of my hoard. So many riches! Once, I needed seven warehouses just to keep my treasure, but, alas, much of it is gone now, dwindled away.” She raised her head and snorted one small smoke ring. “This losing streak is bound to end soon, though! I’ll win it all back. I know I will.” She flapped her giant wings, rattling the tent fabric overhead, then settled back onto the mound of gold and jewels.
Robin thought she understood. “You gambled away your treasure?”
“And Excalibur?” I added.
“I still have some riches.” The dragon sounded defensive. “A big win is right around the corner. I know it. Dragons can sense these things.”
Sheyenne drifted close and whispered in my ear. “The dragon has a gambling problem.”
Dragons also had extremely acute hearing, as I should have remembered from The Hobbit. “Yes, I have a gambling problem—I admit it! It’s the thrill, the risk . . . and the winning.” She clacked shut her fanged jaws. “Texas Hold’em is my preference, though it’s hard to hold the cards with big claws like these.”
Alice raised a huge scaled hand. “I lost a chest of gold and Excalibur two weeks ago in a big game. That gremlin is a good player! Noxius would win a few hands, then I’d win, then he’d win a few more. He’d egg me on until I bet the whole pot.” The dragon snorted smoke, flapped her wings, and tried to settle down. “I don’t know how he can even see the cards with glasses that thick, but I kept raising the bet, because I knew I was about to start a winning streak!” Her slit eyes held a disturbing obsession. “I’ll