I am quiet while using the chosen toys. The mouse tidies up the box as the step-sister and witch shop, and the monster sits on his chair, watching TV and drinking.
“What happens when the witch and step-sister come home?” Sam asks.
I add a table and chairs, then set the table to play out a normal day in the Parker house, leaving out my father raping me.
“May I take a picture of this?” she asks.
I nod.
Sam takes pictures from different angles with a digital camera. “Now, I would like you to do the same for the Jerichos.”
I remove the step-sister, witch, and monster, then rearrange the furniture. I add the family set of dolls I chose for the Jerichos and demonstrate a day in their home.
Sam takes more pictures.
“Sam?”
“Yes?”
“I went with Jason to Damian’s party over the weekend and one of Damian’s friends wouldn’t leave me alone.” I describe the incident in detail to her, including my decision to leave.
“Sara, it is normal for people who were traumatized to relive it or have flashes of it when something triggers a memory. The smell of the beer and Rick manhandling you were triggers at the party. They may not be the same each time and you may go years between them. You did the right thing in asking Jason to take you home.”
I barely know Sam, but her reassurance is a soothing balm.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
My legs bounce up and down while waiting for Sam. Rose rests her hand over mine and smiles. The bouncing stops and the finger tapping begins.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” Andrew inquires, covering my hand with his.
My eyes dart about the room as I rock back and forth in my chair. “Mhm,” I reply.
“Positive?” Rose asks.
“Positive,” I answer, jumping up and dashing by Sam as her door opens.
“Good afternoon, Sara.”
“Hi, Sam.” I pick out a small squishy ball from one of her many toy baskets and compress it in my hand repeatedly as I sit in one of the chairs.
Sam shakes Andrew and Rose’s hands before they take seats on either side of me and Sam takes the remaining empty chair.
“I would like to start by telling you two that Sara is doing good work in sessions. We can expect a lot of changes from her. Good changes.”
I wear a confused look.
Sam smiles warmly at me. “What I mean by that Sara, is that you’ll start to feel more at home in your new home.”
“Oh.” I toss the ball back and forth in my hands.
“Sara,” Rose says, “please stop.”
“It’s okay, Rose,” Sam interjects. “That is one of the things I want to talk to you about. Does Sara do these repetitive movements at home?”
“Yes,” Andrew replies. “She was fidgeting more than usual in the waiting room.”
“She does the same in here. I let her use something to keep her hands busy. That way, she isn’t rocking, tapping or bouncing. Things that are a little more distracting for us to watch or hear.”
Rose and Andrew glance at each other then focus back on Sam.
“Sara, would you be able to tell them what you are thinking or feeling when you rock, tap, and bounce?”
“Nervous.”
“Nervous?” Rose asks. “About what?”
I sink in the chair, inch by inch. Great, they aren’t going to want me anymore. Then where will I go?
“Rose,” Sam addresses her, calm and even, “it is important that you listen to what Sara has to say with an open mind and without judgment. Go ahead, Sara.”
I slouch, squeezing the ball rapidly. “I get nervous about when everything will change and I move back with my parents. I worry about not being good enough or not doing enough to help out.”
Sam leans forward, encouraging the eye contact I give her. “Thank you for sharing that.” She sits back and shifts glances between Rose and Andrew. “Does Sara ever talk about her nightmares?”
“No,” Rose says. “Most of the time she doesn’t even tell us when she had one. We can only guess when she did by the circles under her eyes in the morning. When we ask, she still doesn’t tell us.”
Because my nightmares are of my father raping me without end. I won’t even tell Sam about them, no matter how much she asks.
“Does she startle easily?”
“Yes,” Andrew answers. “It takes a long time before she settles. We noticed it the first time we met her.”
Sam nods in acknowledgment, then pulls out the pictures she took of the sandtray from the file in her lap. She holds up