“You did,” he confirms. Mother and the nurse nod their agreement.
There’s no way I can have a baby, let alone one that my own father fathered. That would be cruel, condemning it to a life like mine. And there’s no way to explain it to anyone.
“I don’t want it,” I say.
Relief floods Mother’s face and she pulls out her phone while leaving the room. Probably calling the culprit.
“Lie back for me, Sara. Hips at the edge down here.” He gestures to the end. “I need to do an exam before we can schedule a D and C. We’re going to take some blood at the end for tests as well.”
I position myself asked, completely exposed to strangers, feet in the stirrups. He takes a firm hold of my knees and spreads them further. I gasp at the sudden image of my father over me poised to enter. Silent tears fall from the outer corners of my eyes.
“I’m sorry, but this next part is going to be cold,” he warns.
He wasn’t kidding. The metal implement is cold with uncomfortable edges, violating the part of me my father takes pleasure in defiling. I bite my lips together to keep from crying out.
“You and your boyfriend might want to reconsider the rough sex,” he announces.
I nod in acknowledgment, not giving any hint to the truth. No telling what lies Mother told when she called and before they joined me in the room.
He removes the instrument and appears at my side. “I’m going to give your mom a prescription for birth control should you both decide it’s best for you.”
“You don’t tell anyone,” Mother says in the safety of the car. “Only your father knows.”
Why would I tell anyone this sick secret?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Monday morning, I lie still while blocking out the poking and prodding between my legs, focusing instead on Jason’s concern last Friday. Hugging me close and asking what the doctor said, an edge of panic in his voice and his eyes. Smiling and hugging me again when I said it was just an intestinal virus and that I have a follow up early Monday. I let him press me against his chest and wished for a life in which being with him is a possibility.
Mother drops me off at school in time for lunch when all is said and done. I find Jason in the cafeteria with some teammates, but Arissa is nowhere in sight.
“I thought you’d be home today,” he says, meeting me halfway and drawing me into him.
“My mother didn’t want me missing school if I didn’t have to. Where’s Riss?”
“Off with Bobby somewhere.” He studies my face with intensity. “Are you sure you should be here?”
“I’d rather be here right now.”
His lips draw into a bright smile. “Let’s blow this joint and find some sunshine.” He grabs his backpack, telling the guys he’ll see them later. He leads me across campus to where we sat alone last week, but away from the trees to catch the warming rays of the sun. We lie side by side gazing at the clear blue sky.
“Have you eaten?” he asks.
Soon, the sky will give way to May Gray and June Gloom. Appropriate for how I feel, but I concentrate on the light blue above me and Jason beside me.
“I’m not hungry,” I answer.
His fingers weave into mine. “I’m worried about you. You look like you haven’t eaten in weeks.”
“I’m fine, J. At least I will be.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Junior year
My parents finally agree to let Jason take me on a date after Andrew and Rose talk to them. He got his license over the summer and drives me to the football game in a used, dark gray Hyundai Elantra.
We sit in the back corner of Joe’s after the game, constantly interrupted by other students coming to talk to Jason. His popularity increased after becoming the starting point guard for the basketball team at the end of last season. He makes sure to introduce me to the people I don’t know, but they all eventually ignore me in favor of Jason. It’s like being at home with Victoria, only I don’t care about Jason getting the attention.
Arissa arrives with her current boyfriend, Damian Riven. He’s a running back for the football team, with broad shoulders and muscles everywhere. His short, light brown hair is brushed back from his face and his light blue