Jason sits in Andrew’s vacated chair. “I’m sorry,” he says, leaning into the table and keeping his hands in his lap.
Being threatened in public is enough to unhinge me, but I let my chagrin speak instead. “You’ve been saying that a lot lately.”
“Have I?” he asks, folding his arms on the table.
“Yes. What exactly are you sorry for this time?”
“How I handled this. That she tried to come after you.”
“Yeah, you should be sorry about all that,” I say, my irritation increasing. “What were you thinking, J?”
“I was going to break up with her this weekend. I just didn’t expect it to be tonight or so public. I seem to lose my ability to think clearly when I’m near you.”
My breath catches at his admission, erasing the aggravation. I have an effect on someone that isn’t directed back at me with derision or violence.
In spite of this knowledge, I want to keep pushing him away for both our sakes. This conversation gets harder each time we have it, because I want to reel him in and never let go just as much as I need to push him away.
“Maybe next time you’ll think twice about ditching your date,” I caution him.
“There won’t be a next time. My next date will be with you and there is no way I’d ditch you.” His hand curls over my forearm.
I stare blankly while my heart pounds furiously in my chest.
“I told you I’d wait forever for you and I mean it.” He gives my forearm a gentle squeeze.
“J, I can’t—“
“You’re not asking,” he interrupts, slipping his hand into mine. “I’m choosing this, Parker. I would rather not date than hurt you.”
“You know they’re going to say no, right?”
He smiles. “They can’t say no forever.”
When I arrive home the following morning, Mother and Victoria are getting ready to go shopping for the day.
“Can I go to the football game next week with Jason?” I ask.
“A boy asked you out on a date?” she asks, raising her brows.
“Sara has a boyfriend. Sara has a boyfriend,” Victoria taunts.
“Yes, Mother. That’s why I’m asking,” I say, exasperated.
“Watch your attitude.”
I fold my hands in front of me. “Yes, Mother.”
“Sara has a boyfriend. Sara has a boyfriend,” Victoria continues.
I glower at my sister and she sticks out her tongue.
“I’ll talk to your father about it later,” Mother answers.
I exhale. “Okay,” I say, turning to leave when my father walks in.
“Well, there you are,” Mother says. “Sara wants to go on a date.”
“A boy asked you out?” Father asks, scowling.
“Yes.”
“And you want to go on the date?”
“Yes.” More than anything.
“Then the answer is no.”
I open my mouth to argue, but stop myself and go to my room instead. I curl up on my bed, fighting the urge to cry.
Sara must remain miserable.
Father skulks in like a predator; head low and eyes never leaving his prey. “What makes you think any boy would want you? You’re damaged goods,” he says, stripping off his shirt and shorts.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Becky lies in wait for me, arms akimbo, at the door of English class Monday morning. Arissa goes inside, leaving me to deal with the spurned one.
“I really don’t see what he sees in you.” She sneers and crosses her arms.
Neither do I. “I had nothing to do with Friday night.” I shove my hands into the back pockets of my jeans, shifting my weight onto my right foot.
“Sure looked like you did when I saw you together at Joe’s.”
“What happens and what things look like can be two different things,” I offer as the only explanation.
“Sure,” she says.
“Seriously, Becky, Jason and I are friends. That’s it. He does what he wants to do and I have no say in his decisions. Even if I want to date him, my parents won’t let me.”
She regards me with resentment in her eyes and I find myself in a staring contest. I sigh to cover up the tears trying to force their way to the surface. It’s bad enough I have to defend myself at home for things I don’t do.
Jason joins us from the classroom and ends the stare down. “Leave her alone, Bec. I told you she had nothing to do with me breaking up with you,” he says, mixing sternness and compassion in his tone. Heavy on the compassion.
Becky drops her arms, pivots on her heels, and walks off in a huff.
He waits until Becky is gone before setting his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”