afterward. I slouch, fiddling with my pencil and notebook.
“Becky Statton?” Arissa asks incredulously when Jason returns.
His brow furrows. “Yeah. What of it?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“We started hanging out a month ago,” he answers, taking his notebook out of his backpack.
“Hanging out?” she asks, sarcasm in full effect.
“Okay, dating. Are you happy?” he asks, throwing his notebook open. “Can we not do this here?”
“You’re the one with the girlfriend following you to class for a kiss.”
“Whatever, Jericho.”
“What, Waters? Can’t take the heat when it’s dished back at you?”
“Maybe,” he mutters.
Arissa purposefully waits for me to sit at a table in Biology, then sits at the one next to me.
“What?” I mouth.
She shrugs with a deceitful grin. Jason sees the open seat when he enters and sits with me. I narrow my eyes at her.
It’s a delicate dance we do, her pushing me towards him while I push him away.
“Can we talk later, Parker?” he whispers.
“I guess so.”
Lawrence Hall takes the seat next to Arissa. He’s a late bloomer, scrawny and short. His orangeish-red hair is bright against his pale skin and the braces on his teeth don’t help his image at all. He’s the complete opposite of Arissa’s type.
Two can play this game.
I chuckle and pass her a note:
You’re the one who chose not to sit next to me.
She crumples the paper, giving me a dirty look.
Jason pulls me into a non-crowded corner of the cafeteria during lunch and Arissa watches from our table. I lean my side into the cold wall with my arms crossed, pretending to study the floor because my stomach is tied in knots.
“Parker, I’m sorry.”
“For what, J? It’s not like we were dating and you suddenly started dating Becky,” I say, eyes still aimed at the ground.
He places his forearm against the wall, setting his free hand on my shoulder. “Yeah, but I didn’t say anything to you or Arissa about her before she showed up.”
“I get it. It’s not like she’s your first girlfriend and it’s not like I can date you anytime soon.” I glance into his eyes, shining like polished amber.
“You know I want it to be you.”
“Yeah, and you can’t wait forever. Life goes on.”
“It’s not like that, Parker,” he says, his hand cupping my cheek.
“Tell me what it’s like.”
“I know I need to stay away from your house and that means three months of not seeing you. Honestly, I was bored.”
“So she’s a plaything?” I wrench my face from his hand.
“That’s not what I mean,” he answers, running his hand through his hair and huffing. “Can you stop being defensive for just five minutes? Please?”
I wave my hand for him to continue.
“I spent the summer hanging out with my friends. I ran into Becky while we were at Swami’s one day and we talked. Before I knew it, we were hanging out every day. Then one day we kissed.”
“Sounds so romantic,” I say, rolling my eyes and using sarcasm to mask the pain.
“Parker, I like her. But I like you more.”
“I’m not the girl for you, J.”
“Then why the jealousy?”
“After all the flirting you do with me I’m not supposed to be jealous even if I can’t date you? Yeah, that’s real fair. Double standard much?”
“You’re not okay with this?” he asks, surprised.
I want to scream, In what world would anyone be okay with this? But I don’t. I can’t cause a scene. “I’m confused,” I say instead. “I thought we sorted this out before.”
“I missed you.”
His mournful tone slams me in the chest, joining with my own. He’s sharing everything with three words, the tone of his voice, and the regret in his eyes. He’s right here. I can reach out and touch him. I can hug him. But he can never be mine. It tortures my soul, ripping me apart from the inside.
I catch a glimpse of someone in my peripheral vision. “Hey, Becky.”
“Hi, Sara,” she returns, a little too cheerful.
“Give us a minute, Bec,” Jason says.
“Okay!” She turns and trots off to the seat where she left her lunch.
“Awkward,” I sing under my breath.
“Parker, I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all. I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“Okay. Honest.” I straighten and poke his chest. “You can’t keep flirting with me and telling me you like me more than Becky, or any other girl you’re dating, and then go back to them.”
“Then let’s go on a date,” he says, like it’s that easy to resolve when he knows it isn’t.