fear from me. I’ll stop if and when you tell me to,” he assures me.
He’s my rushing river, washing away pieces of my grim past, bit by bit, for the last few years. Carrying me off with him, clean and whole.
We are a tangled mess of arms and legs in the end. He props his head up on one hand and runs the other hand over my bare arm and shoulder.
I feel light. Free. Serene.
“Are you okay?” he asks, caressing my face.
I roll on my side and mirror him. “I believe people call this feeling, ecstasy.” Rose’s sex talk finally makes sense to me.
A carefree smile appears across his face. “I would think with all the reading you do, you would know.”
“Reading and experiencing it first-hand are two different things.” And my skewed reality always made me believe my beloved books never had the potential to be real.
“I’ll give you that,” he says, drawing me in by my hip and kissing me briefly. He pulls back and gazes at me. “We should probably eat. One of us has to work tomorrow.” He winks.
We dress and I comb my hair with my fingers before leaving his room.
“What’s for dinner,” I ask, following Jason to the kitchen.
“Uhm…”
I laugh. “You didn’t plan dinner?”
“No. I’ll order pizza.” He takes his phone out and dials.
I grab my bag and head for the TV room, placing the magazines on the end table.
Jason enters the room and sits with me, interlacing our fingers. “I’m leaning towards staying, but part of me still wants to go back and at least finish out the year.”
“Because you want to or because you feel you need to?”
“Because when I’m not with you, I have a hard time keeping it together.”
I shift towards him abruptly. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
He shrugs. “Didn’t want to bother you with it, I guess.”
I pull my hand away and weave my fingers through his hair. “You promised to tell me these things, J. It’s not a bother.”
“It’s just harder than I expected.”
“I know.” Deep sorrow wells inside. The house feels empty without Mike in it. “I don’t want you to stay for me, then regret it later.”
“If I can’t keep it together right now, then staying would be best. UCLA isn’t going anywhere.” He pauses and plays with my fingers. “I know I said I wouldn’t ask again, but would you please consider coming with me? If I’m still miserable and you hate it up there, we can come back. I really don’t want to let the team down.”
If he keeps sacrificing for everyone else, someone needs to do the same for him. “How about I go back with you this weekend and we can look at apartments? It’s time for me to give more in our relationship.”
“All I need is you.”
“You have me.” I smile. “Next question. Wedding date?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Be serious.” I snicker and bump his shoulder with mine.
“I am serious.”
“Our families would like that. At. All. In fact, I think your mom would kill us.”
He sighs. “When do you want it? You’re the bride.”
“Spring.”
“March twenty-second. There we go.”
“Wait. Where’d you come up with that date?”
“First day of spring. Any objection?” he asks.
“No.” I chuckle. “But March Madness might have something to say about that if you’re going to stay at UCLA and on the team.”
“Silly basketball tournament getting in the way of what I want,” he quips.
“We’ll figure out a date later.”
“Where do you want to have it?”
“I have two ideas. Hotel Del or our house.” I fell in love with the hotel at prom and it would be perfect for a wedding.
“We don’t have our own house yet, Parker,” he says with a serious face.
I groan, knowing he’s deliberately messing with me. “My house.”
The pizza arrives and we flip through some magazines as we eat, dog earing anything that catches our eye. One of the magazines has a large spread on new wedding gowns.
“Oooh,” he coos. “Do I get to go dress shopping with you?”
“You want to go dress shopping with me?” I ask.
“Why not?”
“Isn’t the tradition to not see the bride in the dress before the ceremony?”
“When have we ever been traditional? More importantly, if we’re not supposed to measure our relationship against others, why bother with tradition?”
“If you really want to,” I answer.
“Oh, I really want to. I want to see you in every dress you try on.” He grins and his eyes gleam, then averts them and sighs. “I should get you home. Time flies when you’re looking at bridal