The Fallout (The Therapist #3) - W.S. Greer Page 0,8
had sex all the time, and fit together perfectly. I felt like we were literally soulmates before all of this happened.
“Now we’re on the other side of the coin, and everything is different. It’s been six months since the thing with Amber, and all I think about now is how much I want things to go back to how they used to be. I acknowledge that I messed up. I do. I’ve apologized more times than I could possibly count. I’ve bought tons of flowers and candy. I even got Demi another wedding band, a symbolic gesture to show her we were starting over fresh. I've done everything I can think of, and sometimes it seems like we’re good to go. Demi is trying to move on, and I can tell by how she's able to flip a switch and act like we’re normal. Sometimes we go a full week or two without it affecting us, but the moment I touch her, the switch is flipped back. Demi snaps at me like she's scolding a child, and it pushes us right back to where we were. Every time she explodes we have to start from scratch.
“We haven’t had sex in six months. We’ve slept in the same bed a few times, but even when we do that Demi stuffs pillows between us so I can't touch her, even by accident. I know I’m in the wrong here, but I’m starting to wonder if we’re ever going to be able to move on. Not to mention how confusing it all is. Maybe it’d be easier if she didn’t act like everything was okay so often. If she didn’t go weeks acting as if we’re back to normal before exploding the second I touch her, maybe I’d be less affected by it, but the inconsistency is confusing. I don't know what I’m supposed to do, and I don't know what she wants from me.”
After jotting down the gist of everything Eli has said, I form a thought, and try to expand on it in my head. Phrasing is extremely important in tense situations like this, so I always focus on both what I say and how I say it. However, before I get the words past my lips, Demi speaks up again.
“What I want from you, Eli, you can no longer give me, because I want your commitment.” Demi fires her words like missiles, and doesn't stop there. “I wanted you to love me enough to not cheat on me. I wanted you to be trustworthy. You already ruined all of that, so now all I want you to do is shut the fuck up and don't touch me.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Demi,” Eli fires back. He yanks his body to the side so he can face his wife, and I have the sudden feeling of needing to be a referee breaking up two boxers. “I know I fucked up, I fucking know that. But I can't go back and take it all away. Life doesn't have a magic eraser to wash away all the dirty, fucked up shit we wish we could take back. I’ve done everything I can. Hell, Amber even quit after all of this came out. I don't work with her anymore. I haven't seen her since she quit, and I will never see her again. There's nothing left I can possibly do.”
“Goddamn it, Eli, it doesn't matter that she quit!” Demi explodes, standing up and slamming her hands on the sides of her legs. “She can be physically a million miles away, but she still lives with us every single day. She's in my head every waking minute, and she haunts my dreams when I manage to get to sleep. She’s in our house now, and it’s so fucking unfortunate you can't see that, because all you're focused on is what you've done to try to make up for your mistake, rather than realizing just how big of a mistake you made, and how much it hurt me. You only care about yourself.”
“That is not true,” Eli barks now. “I’ve always loved you, and I’m so sorry about what happened. I’m sorry, Demi. Fuck. I’m so sorry.”
All the sound in the room is muted now. Demi, having nothing left to say, sits back down on the couch and exhales. Tears fill her eyes once again, and to my utter surprise, Eli sheds a few tears as well. The couple sits there on the couch with their bodies pressed