The Fallout (The Therapist #3) - W.S. Greer Page 0,44

stewing in my anger and hurt, I miss him. I miss us. I miss our laughter. I miss our sex. I miss our happiness. I miss the life we had before he made this terrible mistake. I miss everything we were before, and if I decided to let my anger win and divorce Eli, I’d still miss him, because my love for him was and still is very real.

It’s not fair that I have to be the one to make this decision, but nonetheless, it’s a decision that must be made. It’s not doing us any good to stay stuck in the same place like this. So, I know what has to be done. As tears fill my eyes while I lay in bed alone, I ask myself the question I've been running from this entire time.

Is my love for Eli bigger than his mistake, or was his mistake too big for me to go on loving him?

My love for Eli is bigger than his mistake.

Tears begin to fall down my face and run backwards, soaking my pillow as I’m overtaken by heavy sobs. I’m like a broken woman, and I’m so tired of crying I can't stand it anymore. I want to be past this. I want us to move on and be bigger and stronger than we ever have been. I want our marriage to feel like the day after the wedding all over again. I still want to be married to Eli, even after what he did.

This is it. I've made a decision other people would clearly not be happy with. Some people would say I’m stupid. They’d say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” They’d think a mistake of this magnitude is too big to overcome and shouldn’t be forgiven. To some, cheating is the ultimate sin, and there's no coming back from it. I’m not like those people. The love I have for Eli is different than the love they have. I’m not saying my love is better, but it’s different. We love differently. We live differently. My love for Eli is strong enough to withstand his mistake. I’m not stupid or naive, I’m simply doing what I want to do, and I know some people won't agree with that. I don't care. If I lived my life based on what other people wanted me to do, I’d never be happy, and at the end of the day, happiness is all I want, and I still want it with Eli.

Tonight, I will cry for the last time—I hope. I’ll let these tears take over my face, and Eli will never know. I don't know what the process of getting back to normal is, but I plan on figuring it out slowly but surely. We’re going to move past this, and I don't plan on ever bringing it up again, just like Dr. Colson said. I want to save my marriage, but there is a stipulation this time. I will never allow myself to go through this shit again, so if Eli proves himself to be a habitual cheater, we’re done.

For now, I want to cry it all out. I've felt more pain than I thought I could survive. I never knew heartbreak could hurt just as much as physical pain, and it has been nearly unbearable, so I want it all out tonight. My walls will come down, and I will privately cry away the hurt that has kept me crippled since the day I read that text. Tonight, I will cry and I will heal. When the tears dry, the past will be the past, the future will be the future, and I won’t let the two cross paths. My hope lies in the future, and my pain is in the past. I’m letting it all go.

Maybe you don't deserve it. Maybe I’m crazy, and maybe I’m making the wrong decision. There won't be any way of knowing unless you slip again. Maybe my love for you makes me dumb. Maybe I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life. Whatever the case, I love you, Eli, and I forgive you.

24

~ Demi ~

I made sure to be home before Eli so I would have time to cook dinner. It’s been so long since I’ve done it, it feels foreign to me. Eli has been so eager to make me happy, he’s been running into the kitchen to start up dinner before I can even think of making it. We’ve had quite a few