The Fallout (The Therapist #3) - W.S. Greer Page 0,42
did you say to him?”
“Well, I'd like to keep that between Eli and myself, but if he wants to tell you, I’ll leave that up to him. I’d like to put the focus on you now. Since you've had time and space to think, how are you feeling about the future of your relationship? Do you still want it to work between you and Eli?”
Demi releases a sigh and runs a hand through her light brown hair. “I still feel like I want it to work out between us. I still love Eli, but wanting to do something and knowing how to actually do it are two different things. As much as I want it to work and for us to be able to move past what happened, I don't know how to do it. I know he wants to move on, too, so I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to learn how to forget about what happened and just move on.”
I toss my notepad onto the coffee table between us and mirror Demi’s body language, crossing one leg over the other. “Is that what you think you need to do in order to move forward with Eli? Forget about what he did?”
“How else can I possibly move on if I’m still holding on to what happened?” Demi asks, and I perk up. This is the part of the therapy where I get to give someone hope they didn't know existed.
“Well, it’s important you clarify what it takes in order for you to move forward with Eli, and forgetting what happened isn't it. You couldn't forget what happened even if you wanted to, so don't hold onto that. There's a drastic difference between forgetting and forgiving. You can't forget what happened, and you don't have to in order to move on, but you will have to forgive him.”
“Well, that’s a lot easier said than done,” Demi rebuts.
“For sure, but it’s also a requirement if you want to move past Eli’s mistake,” I continue. “So, while Eli is giving you the time and space you need to think, you have to decide whether or not you can forgive him. Is your love for him bigger than his mistake, or is his mistake too big for you to go on loving him?”
Demi pauses, looking confused and a bit frustrated now.
“There's no wrong answer, Demi,” I tell her. “You're deciding what's best for you, and you can never get that wrong. As long as you choose happiness, you're making the right choice. So, what does happiness look like for you after everything that has happened? If it’s moving on from Eli, that’s fine. If it’s staying with him, then you have to forgive him, and forgiveness means moving past it together. As difficult as it may be, once you decide to forgive him and move on, you can't bring it up anymore. That doesn't mean you won't think about it, because you definitely will, but bringing it up will only cause problems, and you’ll be fighting about the same thing for years.
“I understand forgiveness isn't easy when you've been wronged this way. Eli committed the ultimate offense, and he knows that. Forgiveness means you're a big person with a big heart, and it also means Eli should cherish and appreciate your ability to forgive him. He also has to understand forgiveness of this magnitude can only be conjured once, because even I would advise you to end it if he disrespected you in this way again after you've chosen to forgive him.”
“Yeah, there's no way I can do this again,” Demi says, giggling. “I’m not sure how I’ve even made it this far. I guess I must really love him.”
I smile. “Yeah, I'd say you do.”
Demi sighs, and I see her shoulders drop. She’s been carrying a lot of weight on those shoulders these past six months. When she decides one way or another, she’ll be unloading a ton of pressure.
“You might not be able to answer this, Dr. Colson,” Demi says. “But how the hell am I supposed to forgive this? What's the first step to forgiveness?”
I laugh as I shake my head. “That’s a tough question. I think the answer is different for everyone.”
“Care to take a stab at it?” Demi asks. I can tell she just wants to hear some sort of guidance, so I oblige her.
“For you, I think the first step to forgiveness is deciding you want to,” I try to explain. “Once you