The Fallout (The Therapist #3) - W.S. Greer Page 0,28
it sometimes. My anger towards Eli makes me wish he would never speak to me again, but my love for him yearns for the way things used to be. I miss the way we were right up until the moment his phone chimed with that message from Amber. I miss the way we used to laugh and hug and kiss. I miss our conversations. I miss the things about us that made us who we were—the things that were so good we decided to do them together forever. Eli was my best friend before all of this, and I miss my friend. If I only hated Eli, I would've filed for divorce the day after I read that message. My love for him is why we’re still living in the same house. My love is why we’re still together, and my love makes me turn around and speak to him even when I don't want to.
“Did you go to therapy last night?” I ask. I look at him, but my eyes don't linger too long, dropping to the floor after just a few seconds.
“Yeah, I did,” Eli replies. His voice is different this morning. Quieter.
“Oh,” I say, surprised he actually went without me. “How was it?”
“It was … it was great,” he says. “Dr. Colson is brilliant. I wasn't sure how things would turn out without you there, but it went better than I expected.”
“I’m not sure how I should take that,” I answer with raised eyebrows. “Are you saying you're better off without me?”
I see a flash of defiance spread across Eli’s face, but it fades in an instant.
“Absolutely not. Nothing is better without you,” he retorts, and I feel a sudden stab of emotion in my stomach. “This session was just important because not having you there allowed me to open up in a different way. Dr. Colson has a way of getting you to be forthcoming even when you don't want to. He says what you need to hear, and doesn't care if it’s not what you want to hear. It was exactly what I needed. He opened my eyes to some things I hadn't thought of before, and if you would've been there, I’m not sure I would've been able to see it. Your not being there allowed me to be more vulnerable, I think.”
“You were vulnerable?” I ask, my eyebrows nearly reaching the ceiling.
Eli smiles before looking over at me. “Yeah, I guess I was. When you're around, I want to be more masculine. Harder. I guess it’s this weird guy thing where we want to be more in control and sexy, and we think the best way to do that is to be tougher. Without you being there, those walls came down, and it just ended up being a great therapy session.”
“Wow. Well, that’s good to hear. I didn't expect you to actually go without me, but I’m glad you did.”
“Me too.”
“For the record, vulnerability can be just as sexy as masculinity. You should tell your guy friends that, because I think men are a little misinformed about the things women find attractive.”
“I think you're right,” Eli says with a smile that I choose not to look at. “I’ll send out a memo first thing this morning to set the male species straight.”
The two of us share a laugh, and it’s the first time we’ve genuinely laughed together in a long time. We’ve laughed, but mine was always more forced as I tried to fight my way past the sadness blanketing my heart.
“Anyway, I should probably get to work,” Eli says. He lifts his coffee mug and knocks back the rest of the brown liquid before rinsing out the mug and placing it on the counter. “So, are you going to come next time?”
“To your job?” I question in confusion.
Eli chuckles. “I mean, you can if you want, but I was talking about therapy. Are you going to come with me to therapy next time?”
We lock eyes for a moment as I struggle to find the answer. I don't want to ruin the good morning we’ve had. All of the laughter and pleasant surprises can be erased in a heartbeat, because I know Eli wants me to say yes. He wants so badly for me to be able to move on with him, and to just let go of what he did, but every time I try I fail, and it’s like we’ve taken ten steps backwards again. I’m just so unsure of what