The Fallout (The Therapist #3) - W.S. Greer Page 0,18

at me like a cancer.

What motivates me right now, though, is the fact that I want to try to get past this. I want to be able to make our relationship work, and that means taking the necessary steps to help us move forward, even if those steps hurt like hell. Even if it means becoming a sprinter running on a broken leg, I have to try to reach the finish line for us, not because I have to, but because I want to.

“Okay,” I say, swallowing my emotions and taking a seat in the open chair across from my husband.

Now that I’m seated, Eli looks nervous. His eyes dart across the floor like he’s searching for something small, and he’s even a little fidgety, reaching out and adjusting the tablecloth over and over again.

“Okay, umm,” he begins. “Listen I know this hasn't been easy for you, Demi. I know I’ve broken your heart a hundred times over. I know that. What I did was the absolute worst thing, and I never should've done it. I'm aware that there isn't anything I can say to ease your pain or make up for it. I know everything I say is just words from a man who feels guilty about being caught, but I hope you can find it in yourself to believe me.

“I am truly sorry, Demi. I love you so much it hurts, and seeing your pain on full display has humbled me in a way I never knew I needed to be humbled. I can see how much I hurt you, and I’m filled with the strongest sense of regret I've ever experienced in my life. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just want you to understand how all of this has made me feel. I want you to know I see you. I see your pain, and I apologize sincerely for being the person who gave it to you. I’m sorry, Demi. Okay? I’m truly sorry.”

Once Eli pauses long enough for my brain to formulate thoughts instead of listening to him talk, I feel a weight being lifted off of me. The gravity in the room suddenly feels so much less than before, like I’m walking on the moon. Eli had apologized in the past, but it never felt as genuine and heartfelt as this. This one felt real, and he seems to recognize my pain. That’s all I wanted. I needed Eli to understand how much he hurt me without thinking about himself. This was what I wanted him to say all along. It took six months, but he finally did it without sounding defensive.

“Wow,” I mumble. “Okay, well I really appreciate that, Eli. That means a lot. It really does. I know the past six months have been brutal for us. We’ve really been through it, and I’m trying to move past it. I really am, and this is a big step in the right direction, so I want you to know I appreciate everything you just said. Thanks for saying it.”

Eli smiles, finally feeling some sort of relief. “Good. I’m glad. I know it doesn't make up for anything, but I just wanted you to know I understand your anger. I messed up, that’s all there is to it. It doesn't matter how desperate I felt before, or how much time you spent at work. I never should've slept with Amber. I acted like an idiot.”

“Wait … what? Desperate?”

“Yeah, it’s not an excuse.”

“What do you mean you felt desperate? And what does my work have to do with it?”

“Well, I mean, you're a social worker, Demi,” Eli begins to explain. “You work insane hours, and we were spending less and less time together as you took on more cases. I wasn't used to it, and I felt desperate because you were always working.”

The gravity is slowly being turned back on.

“But, Eli, you never voiced that to me before,” I point out as the heat in the room is turned up to match the gravity. “I never even knew you felt like that.”

“Well, I didn't want to add any more pressure on you. I know your job is demanding.”

“Your job is demanding. You own a contracting company. You're always at work or fielding phone calls. You take business trips all the time, Eli, and it’s been that way since we got married. You work your ass off, and that’s always been fine with me. I never used that as an excuse to sleep with someone else.”

“Yeah,