it was that he was going to be anything but livid. “I’ll try.”
When I got back to my apartment, I decided to text Horatio first but didn’t want to make it too specific. Hamlet, I thought, should be the first to know.
Me: Strnge thngs r afoot @ the circle K
Horatio: ?
Me: Go hm. H wl need u.
My phone rang in my hand and I hoped it wasn’t Horatio because then I’d be sorely tempted to explain. It wasn’t. It was Lauren.
“You coming over tonight?” she asked. “Everyone’s watching Denmark Divas at my place. The theme is classic rap. Totally ridiculous idea for a bunch of pop singers, right? I can’t wait to see how vicious the judges get.”
“I can’t. Listen, I gotta go—”
“He’s not even in town,” she said with unadulterated irritation. “I get we’re invisible when he’s around, but—”
“You can berate me later, Lauren, but something just came up.”
“Whatever,” Lauren grumbled.
I sat on my bed, fleetingly considering how much I neglected my friends and how I was once again becoming the lamest kind of girl—the kind whose boyfriend came before all else. And then I thought about what to do… about Hamlet. I would have kicked myself if I weren’t so preoccupied with the Gertrude situation.
I didn’t want to be the one to tell Hamlet, but I certainly didn’t want him to hear it from anyone else, especially his mother. I decided to call rather than send a message. He did not, as you can imagine, take it all that well.
“Hamlet,” I began. My legs were shaking. “Hamlet. Okay. Can you sit down? I need to tell you something that… I don’t think you’re gonna like.”
“You’re not pregnant, are you?”
“What?” I asked, completely distracted. It might have been a funny miscommunication except that I was so dreading telling him the real news. “No. It’s about your mom.”
“Is she okay?” he asked, his voice tight.
“Yeah. I think she might think she’s more than okay. She’s, um… she’s engaged… to your uncle.”
He was silent for a moment. “Is this a joke?”
“No,” I assured him.
“What the hell?” he screamed. He didn’t say anything else. He just started throwing things, including his phone, which is when we lost contact.
After wrecking the room, Horatio was able to get Hamlet to agree to go for a walk down by the river, which would be more private and where he would have fewer objects to throw. That’s where Horatio called me from, and eventually Hamlet got on the phone.
“Hamlet?” I asked.
Without taking a breath, he continued with what he had been saying to Horatio. “Are you kidding me? Not even a month. The shoes she walked in behind my father’s casket aren’t even worn in. Did she want to save money by using the leftover food from the funeral? Maybe the flowers are still alive, so she figured she could save on centerpieces, too. Goddamn it! My uncle? Were they sleeping together while my father was still alive?” He paused as if waiting for an answer, but I had none. “I can’t even… argh! It’s too disgusting to even consider.”
I didn’t say a word, though I agreed with everything he said.
“Any animal would have mourned longer. Marrying my uncle? He’s no more like my father than I am like… like Superman. What could she see in him?”
I sat down to continue listening to him rant.
“My father treated her so well! I swear he would punish the wind for blowing too hard on her face. She hung on his every glance, every word. Was it all just an act? I don’t understand. She can’t love my uncle like she loved my father. That’s not possible, right, Ophelia?”
“Hamlet, I—”
“How soon after my father’s death did she hop into bed with my uncle? Or was it before? I can’t—I can’t—”
I heard Horatio say, “Give me the phone, Hamlet.” Hamlet’s voice faded, though I could still hear him shouting, and Horatio said to me, “I’ll call you back.”
I waited for about fifteen minutes before grabbing my keys. I decided to call my dad from the road. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. I’d driven for over an hour before Horatio called.
“Christ, Ophelia, I don’t know what to do. He just keeps shouting. His security detail blocked the area for now. They want to bring him back to the castle, but I think that’s the worst idea.”
“I agree. Don’t let them do that. Tell Hamlet I’ll be there soon.”
I found them at the river. Hamlet and Horatio were sitting side by