Fall to Pieces - Shari J. Ryan Page 0,31

nightmare play out on the other side of the wall that separates us from the hallway.

Her body convulses, and I wish so badly I could just give her a tight hug. People need hugs when they're upset. It's a scientific fact.

"What happened?" I ask without hope of a response since she has been here six months and has yet to answer any question.

"A nightmare," she says through an exhale. I haven't heard her voice before now. She sounds older than she is and foreign. Though, I know she was born and raised outside of Austin.

"Okay," I tell her. "I hate nightmares. They feel so real sometimes."

"He was back," she says.

I nod my head, letting her words sink in for a moment. The records we have about Willa mention physical abuse and assault from her step-father. Her house was a hub for drug trafficking, and both her mother and step-father are now in prison.

Willa and I sit through therapy every week, but the session consists of me talking and working through whatever internal battles she is enduring. I'm not so sure I've been helping, though.

"He's in prison, Willa."

She jerks her head up and down with understanding. "It was real," she mutters.

"I know, but it's not anymore."

She shakes her head again, then runs the tips of her fingers through her hair. "It hurts, but not as much."

There are days this job takes an emotional toll on me. Today will be one of them. "Leena will be up in a minute to take a look at your head, okay? After she cleans you up, I want you to take a shower and come downstairs to my office so we can chat. I'll even make you hot cocoa, okay?"

"Yes," she says, nodding her head in agreement.

Each step I take, back down to the first floor, leaves me with a wave of nausea. I'm probably hungry and dehydrated.

With one foot in my office, I find Leena right behind me, closing us inside. "What in the world has gotten into you?" she asks.

I do my best to appear confused. "What do you mean?"

"First off, you smell like alcohol. We can't have that here."

I didn't have time to take a shower this morning.

"Second, you look like you're sick."

I called that one.

"Third, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of troubled children. Consider this a warning, August. I can't have you here like this again. Do you understand?"

This is why Keegan couldn't keep a job.

"I'm getting better, Leena. In fact, I have an appointment with my therapist at lunchtime today."

"I'm glad to hear that, August, but really, I need you to be on the mend, and you seem to be going down a rough hill."

"I'm fine," I try to assure her.

"You're going to need to prove that to me."

"I will."

"Not today. I've canceled your appointments. I need you to go home, shower, and do what you need to do to freshen yourself up. I can't have you here smelling like you just crawled out of a bar."

"You canceled my appointments?"

Leena is a very straightforward kind of person. She doesn't say things to get a rise out of people. She has obligations and fulfills them, doing what she must.

"Go home, August." Her tone is blunt, and her words are direct. Unlike my emotions, which are unforgiving as tears stream down my cheeks. I never cry.

"I'm sorry," I offer.

"As am I. Go take care of yourself, please."

Feeling ashamed of my actions, I collect my belongings and quietly head for the door, hoping to avoid a scene.

While pulling out of the driveway, I remember telling Willa to meet me downstairs after her shower, and yet, here I am, going home. I'm letting her down but without a choice.

Keegan always let me down, by choice.

Maybe letting Willa down was my choice. The line is becoming blurry.

Emily Packerton, Psychologist, DMFT (Doctor of Marriage and Family Therapy)—the nameplate has never changed in the four years I’ve been coming through but today is the first time I'm walking through this door alone. We needed counseling before we even discussed marriage. If Keegan and I hadn't been together since high school, I would have seen the red flags. Couples should not be in counseling unless they are trying to work through a committed relationship.

I read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You," but it wasn't clear in my case. I'm not sure if Keegan was not devoted enough or if it was the alcohol taking on a life of its