Exposure - Kelly Moran Page 0,17

and her cheeks had turned molten. In embarrassment? With him? He'd known her…

A set of handcuffs landed on the bed next to him. He stared. And here he thought nothing could surprise him anymore.

She set her purse aside and bit her lip. "Now you know. I'm a freak."

She was not a--

Just to be sure he was on the same page…"You want to handcuff me?" Her gaze landed on the headboard, and he realized the depth of her depravity. "You want me handcuffed to the bed, immobile."

If it was possible, her cheeks reddened more. Her gaze darted to the floor in answer.

Shaking his head, he considered this. His furniture style was a sleigh design. There was nothing to restrain him to, even if he thought he could comply. And honestly, he didn't think he was capable. He had his own control issues. Sure, he played with toys, sometimes cuffs, but he was never the one in them.

With his heart pounding, he rubbed the back of his neck. This was not how this played out in his head. Not one iota. "I want to touch you." Badly. She had no fucking idea how much.

Defeat settled on her face, her shoulders sagging. Grabbing her purse, she turned.

She was halfway to the door before he called out, "Stop." A quiet command which she blessedly heeded. "You're not a freak. But I need to know who did this to you." Because he'd rip the bastard limb from limb. Twice.

Facing him once more, she lifted her brows in question. "What do you mean? No one did anything to me."

He swallowed hard and barely reined in his temper. "Something had to make you need this. We're talking you and me here, Raven. You can't trust even me not to hurt you. I want to know. Now."

"I don't…" She rubbed her forehead and tossed her purse on a nearby ottoman. "When I lost my virginity, I panicked during. At the time, I thought it was because of the pain and it just being my first time."

She bit her lip and stared over his shoulder, not seeing the balcony or the view, he was sure, but that time long ago which made her face twist in discomfort.

Sighing, she met his gaze. "The next guy played out the same way. Instead of bailing, he tied himself to the headboard and let me…take over. When we were done, he took me to this bar on the other side of Anchorage. It has a small private clientele list that caters to BDSM."

She waved her hand when he stood. "It wasn't the lifestyle he was showing me. He wanted me to know I wasn't alone in my needs. It was easier to find partners there that were willing to be restrained than in the real world."

He tried to picture beautiful, fragile Raven in such a place, and nausea swirled in his gut. No. Fragile wasn't the right word. She was stronger than anyone he knew, but her stature, though average in height, was thinner than most. She could've been hurt. One of those pricks could've mistaken her for a sub and…

"Fuck." He raked a hand through his hair.

"When I need release, I go back. I watch in the shadows to find the right person and we have sex in one of the private rooms upstairs."

Fuck again. She still went? He looked at her, torn between emotions he couldn't begin to put a name to. "Something had to trigger the first episode."

She shook her head. "I'm not a rape victim. I've never been abused. I'm just…a freak."

"Enough," he ground through clenched teeth. "Don't make me repeat myself. You are not a freak." But there was something else there, something she wasn't saying or possibly didn't even understand herself.

He wanted her. Always had. If it were possible, he wanted her more than ever. Understanding now why she'd been dissatisfied with her partners, the need grew to claim her and prove she was better than she envisioned. A fierce beast inside of him. More, he wanted her to experience every pleasure possible, which she couldn't do if he was immobile.

One step at a time. That was all. It would require him go at their fulfillment in stages until she trusted herself, trusted him. And to do that, he needed to relinquish control.

His shoulders knotted when he looked at the handcuffs. For her, only for her, would he even try. Because above everything else, she had his trust. He just hoped he didn't have a panic attack