Escaping Parker - F.T. Zele Page 0,20
the city, with no neighbors close enough to be nosey. They agreed, wanting to be a part of saving lives. They have become our family through tragedy. Alice and James are really good people, and they didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
I don’t know when I stopped walking around, or when the first tear fell from my eye, but everything suddenly stops around me. I can’t even imagine what it has been like for him or his family. I don’t know if I could ever be as forgiving as they have been, even though I know Alice and James had nothing to do with any of this.
This could easily be me he is talking about.
It chills me to the bone.
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“There isn’t anything to say, because no matter what you do, it won’t bring her back, and I understand that. I have accepted that it might take me a while. Don’t feel sorry for me or my family. That’s not what we want, or how we want to be treated.”
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I have this need to take his pain away, because even if he says he has accepted it, the hurt is obviously still there. I bend down in front of him and kiss him, hard, tightly wrapping my arms around him. I pull back, and when he looks at me, embarrassment floods my head. I turn and walk quickly to my room and hide in there, hoping to not see him till the morning.
A knock on my door pulls me from sleep. I rub my eyes so they adjust to the light faster, but it’s not working. The thing with panic attacks nobody ever talks about is that the next day is equally as hard as when you are having them. You feel like you were hit by a truck; your body is spent from the massive adrenaline that courses through your veins, making you unable to stay still. Your brain is foggy, and you can’t not think about what you went through the night before.
The door opens a crack, not wide enough to see who it is. “Breakfast is ready,” Rig calls out, and the door closes.
A quick flash of my lips on his momentarily mortifies me. What I did was stupid, and I can’t believe I did that. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I guess it’s my turn to apologize and tell him it won’t happen again. The only difference between the last time and this one: We weren’t hiding or acting. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, just like last time. I wanted that rush of desire that I have been lacking, craving. I shouldn’t feel this pull, but I understand why I do. It’s because in a twisted way, I see Rig as my knight in shining armor. He is risking his life to save mine, and it’s a lot more than anybody has ever done for me. It’s appealing in an unconventional way, and I’m just reaching out and grasping onto anything to feel somewhat grounded.
After I have my own mental chat and sort out my thoughts, I get up and make my way to the kitchen, where everyone is seated around the small table. Where Rig is seated¸ his back is to me, and Alice is facing me. She sees me and stands up.
“Good Morning. I hope you slept well.” Alice pulls out the empty chair for me. She grabs a plate and starts filling it with scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast and places it in front of me.
“Thank you,” I say politely. I take my first bite, still unable to look at Rig, wishing he would say something to ease the uneasiness I feel.
“Would you like some coffee?” James asks, speaking for the first time.
“Yes, please,” I say as he fills my cup up.
We eat in silence, something I’m used to¸ and when we finish, Rig stands up and walks out of the kitchen.
“So, I figured the men could go do something outside, while you and I stay in and do some things inside here.” Alice starts to clear the table.
“Sure, that sounds like a plan. Let me get changed, and I’ll be ready to do whatever you need. Thank you for breakfast.”
I excuse myself from the table and walk to my room, hoping to avoid Rig, because obviously my actions last night were not the best decision.
Once I walk in, Rig is sitting there on my bed,