Entry-Level Mistress - By Sabrina Darby Page 0,49

breath before straightening and picking up my weekend bag. The hallway was so much longer, darker and dingier than I remembered. The wallpaper curled at the edges. It seemed like ages before I reached the apartment. My arms were weak and the key so heavy, so hard to fit into the lock, but I managed. Before I could turn the knob, the door opened.

“Eeeek! You’re back!” In her rolled-over sweats and ratty tank, Leanna looked so much like home that I struggled to keep it together. “How was it? OMG, come on! Sit down and dish!”

I forced a smile, let Leanna close the door behind us, and moved further into the room, dropping my bag on the floor. I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes against the burning heat.

“Emily, what happened?” Leanna’s tone changed and the note of gravity in it pulled at me. I opened my eyes, found her watching me, so concerned that that hurt too. “Emily?”

Leanna reached for me. I gasped in air and then threw myself into her arms. Which closed around me, stroking my back. Through all the years of our friendship, this had never been me. Not after the first breakup, first sex, or the video artist.

“I’m going to get drippy, crying snot all over you,” I sobbed, wanting desperately to laugh.

“Hey, hey, Em. It’s ok.”

I broke away, wiped at my face with the palms of my hands, sniffing back the tears.

“Your advice was shit, you know,” I said with a shaky laugh as I walked over to the futon.

“You broke up?”

When Leanna had taken her usual seat on the papasan and it almost felt like any other normal night, I looked over and shook my head.

“He tried to and I didn’t let him. I told him it was just a game and I wasn’t ready for it to end yet. But I think he suspects how I feel. I think it freaked him out.”

“Ah.”

“Oh, come on. That’s all you have to say? Ah?”

“So you fell in love, Em, and he didn’t fall in love with you. At least, not yet.”

“Yeah, and I’m going away in a month. It would have ended anyway. I just … ” I lay my head back on the cushion. Swallowed. Scanned the line where wall and ceiling met as if there were answers there. “What did I expect was going to happen here? In what soap-opera-inspired world did I trick myself into believing I was sleeping with him just to get revenge?”

“You didn’t really believe that, Em.”

I looked at Leanna. “I’m in love with him. And I’m begging for scraps of affection here. I’m losing myself. In him, in this world, in—” I stopped, caught my face in my hands as the heat welled up again. “I shouldn’t be doing this, should I?”

Silence met my question. I peeked at Leanna.

“I should walk away, right?”

“Listen, Em, what do I know? I’m the girl who falls in ‘love’ every three months. So maybe, maybe I do know that there is more than one person for everyone. It’s not like you won’t be in love again.” Her tone changed, grew more confident. “You have a month left here in Boston. We could have fun. You could work on your mythology project. The past is the past and it isn’t as if you suffered for not having that money.”

It was true. My life hadn’t been some horrible sob story. My father’s life however …

“He sent my dad to jail.”

“Even more reason to dump him.”

Leanna was right. And she was only echoing what I knew I needed to do. But why did it also feel wrong? Why did something so perfect as that night on the beach make everything impossible?

“He loves me.”

Even as I said it, I realized it was true.

“You’re lying to yourself now, Em, and you know it.” Only this time, I couldn’t listen to Leanna because how could I explain something I knew instinctively. I had seen him look at me.

“It doesn’t matter though, because, even if he acknowledges that, we’re just too different, have different lives. He’s a decade older than me for goodness’ sakes!”

“Are you trying to talk yourself into breaking up or into staying with him?” Leanna said curtly. “Fill me in so I know what my line is supposed to be here.”

I smiled ruefully at the ridiculousness of it. Then I felt the smile fade.

“This weekend, Lee, I was willing to play the mistress. I was willing to be his little dress-up toy just for