Enemy's Secret - Ashlee Price Page 0,19
is a bad idea, or to remind me what a dick Landon was - but he apologized, and I tried to resist, but this all just happened. And if I sit around being miserable and beating myself up about it, then I'm not going to be able to concentrate on this case or being a good mom. OK?"
"Got it," Pompom says. "Lips are sealed. But you still have to give me details. How was the dinner?"
"Amazing," I admit, pausing.
Surely, there's a way to explain it to Pamela, make her understand: our high-up spot in the most beautiful building I'd ever been in, the delicious food, the whirlwind tour after, how all of that paled when compared to the happy slant of his smile.
"Down for a movie night?" Pompom asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Of course." I chuckle. "Couldn't you have just asked that first and we could talk about all this in person?"
"Nah." I can hear the grin in her voice. "I wanted details first. I'll be there in 10."
"See you!"
**
Next morning, he calls me just as I'm about to get Madison up and going. "Thought I'd give you a heads-up - the hearing for today's been postponed. My lawyer has started digging out Dad's files and wants me to take a look to see if she's missed anything."
"Oh." Is the settling in my chest relief or disappointment? I do love my job. "OK. Thanks for the heads-up."
"We still on for tonight?"
"OK," I say. "Just..."
"What?"
"It's all happening so fast."
"OK."
"Well..."
"What do you want me to say?" he growls. "That I'm sorry for what happened? Because I'm not. I'm glad I kissed you. I'm glad I took you out. I'm glad we slept together. All of it was great, and I want to see you again. What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing," I say.
Except that I don't want to be hurt again.
"Listen," he continues, "how about this: we meet up at the park, no pressure, just have a nice time together as friends. That OK?"
"Yeah," I find myself saying, "that sounds perfect."
"Great," he says. "Seven PM at Central Park?"
"Mom?" Madison says, padding into the kitchen in her bare feet and nightgown.
"One sec," I mouth to her.
"I've got to go," I tell Landon, "but yeah, seven works."
"Angry mailman?" Landon jokes.
"Goodbye," I say, then hang up.
I draw Madison into a hug - though it's more for me than her.
Close one, is the thought that comes to mind.
Ugh - close one what? Close to revealing to Landon that I have a daughter, like I should've done days ago?
I take a breath. Whatever I should or shouldn't have done, I'm here now with my daughter. It's time to get ready for school. Time to put Landon and all that aside. It's time for me to be present here with my daughter - 100%.
An hour of Cheerios, tooth brushing - "That wasn't five minutes, Maddy!" - lunch packing ("Not carrots again, Mom!"), and we're ready to go. Maddy bounces out of the car as eagerly as usual, although this time, she pauses. "Mom?"
"Yes, honey?"
"Is being an adult as fun as being a kid?"
I pause, caught between a chuckle and a sigh. Sometimes Madison says such surprisingly insightful things, it just about bowls me over.
My first instinct is, "Of course, Maddy," but then I get to thinking. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would only lie to my daughter when absolutely necessary - Santa, the Easter Bunny, stuff like that. Right now, even if the truth isn't as happy as I'd like it to be, it still is the truth. Madison deserves the truth.
"It's different," I say. "Complicated."
Maddy nods. "So, it's not."
"I didn't say that."
"It's OK, Mom."
And with that, she leaves. I watch her skip off, waving to a friend.
And here we have Instance 57 of failed parenting...
But what should I have said? That it's fun in different ways, and even more fun sometimes, but it's more painful and scary too, because it's often the adult hurts that take the longest to heal. That we don't have to fear knee scrapes and monsters under the bed, but harm from much vaguer sources.
Someone behind me honks.
Right - my kid is long gone into the school. Time for me to go.
I head over to Starbucks. There, with my Grande Latte with extra cinnamon, I camp out in my usual corner booth with my laptop and do a bit more research for the case, call up a few colleagues. Normally, I'd let myself rest on all