The Endless Road to Sunshine - Nicky James Page 0,67

knowing smirk on his lips like he could read my thoughts.

My insides were on fire. I looked away, busying myself on my laptop.

Class ended, and the students left. Skylar took his time, but I refused to acknowledge him, unsettled by this new conviction that I could somehow freely continue to sleep with a student without consequences.

I toyed with the idea all day.

One minute, it didn’t seem so bad. The next, it was horrifying, and a wash of shame engulfed me. I was a forty-three-year-old man with more mental health issues than I could shake a stick at. My soon-to-be ex-husband was sitting in prison, working off eleven life sentences. He would never again see the light of day. When I heard myself, I snorted a non-humorous laugh, startling Marianne who was working quietly at her little station in my office.

“Are you okay, Dr. Palmer?”

“I’m fine. Sorry.”

She pasted on a wan smile but studied me a few seconds longer before returning to her work.

By afternoon, I was fidgeting at my desk, moving things around, tapping pens, and blowing out puffs of air at my internal frustration. Marianne, who’d moved on to grading that morning’s pop quiz, glanced up.

“Are you sure everything is okay, Dr. Palmer?”

I scrubbed my face. “Yes. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You seem agitated.”

“No. I’m not.” I checked the time on my phone and made a last-minute decision. “I have somewhere to be. Lock up when you’re done, please.” I flew from my chair so fast Marianne’s eyes widened. Before she could pester me with more questions, I was gone.

It was almost the top of the hour. Although I’d been contemplating this idea all day, I felt like I was making a decision on a whim. My body moved on automatic. If I didn’t hustle, I’d be late. If I was late, maybe that was nature’s way of telling me I shouldn’t do this.

As it turned out, I made it to the lecture hall with three minutes to spare. Through the small square window on one of the swinging doors, I saw Dr. Vescovi setting up at the podium down front. I slipped inside, scanning the swell of bodies taking up a majority of the graded seating. The minute I laid eyes on Skylar, my heart kicked up and raced a little faster.

I wiped my palms on my jeans and ignored the little voice in my head telling me to turn around and go back to my office, screaming that this was a stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

Just as Dr. Vescovi called the class’s attention, I dropped into the vacant seat beside Skylar. He’d been turned, chatting with his friend, but my arrival and the professor’s voice through the speaker system made him turn around.

“Oh, shit,” he said under his breath. It was an expression of surprise, but I knew he was staring right at me.

I didn’t look at him, keeping my gaze up front. For a long time, as the professor went over the lecture material she’d be covering that day, the heat of Skylar’s gaze burned and made my skin vibrate.

When Skylar’s buddy leaned across Skylar’s lap and said, “Hey, Dr. Palmer. How’s it going?” and Skylar elbowed him in the gut, making him grunt, I knew I couldn’t sit there and feign ignorance any longer.

I flashed my gaze at Skylar’s friend and briefly made eye contact with Skylar, forcing a smile to my face that was too tight and too strained. “Afternoon.” Then I refocused on the lesson like it was my sole purpose for being present, like this was nothing out of the ordinary.

There was movement to my right. I heard Skylar’s friend say something, but it was too quiet to hear what. Skylar hissed, “Shut up,” under his breath. After, the two of them sat still, neither of them speaking.

I didn’t hear a single word Dr. Vescovi said throughout the entire class. Although I refused to look at him, my focus was on Skylar. At first, I thought I was imagining him leaning closer, but as class ticked on, our proximity shrank until his shoulder brushed mine. I didn’t move. Neither did he.

When class ended, an explosion of chaos ensued as students rushed to get out of the lecture hall. Exclamations about it finally being the weekend rippled through many conversations. Plans were made. Laughter floated in the air, fading as people vanished into the hallway.

Skylar’s friend grabbed his backpack and smacked Skylar’s arm, announcing, “See ya later, bro.” Then he was gone, but I didn’t