Ender's Game (Ender's Saga, #1) - Orson Scott Card Page 0,116

he was gone. He saw Graff and remembered the lake in the woods outside Greensboro, and wanted to go home. Take me home, he said silently to Graff. In my dream you said you loved me. Take me home.

But Graff only nodded to him, a greeting, not a promise, and Anderson acted as though he didn’t know him at all.

“Pay attention, please, Ender. Today is your final examination in Command School. These observers are here to evaluate what you have learned. If you prefer not to have them in the room, we’ll have them watch on another simulator.”

“They can stay.” Final examination. After today, perhaps he could rest.

“For this to be a fair test of your ability, not just to do what you have practiced many times, but also to meet challenges you have never seen before, today’s battle introduces a new element. It is staged around a planet. This will affect the enemy’s strategy, and will force you to improvise. Please concentrate on the game today.”

Ender beckoned Mazer closer, and asked him quietly, “Am I the first student to make it this far?”

“If you win today, Ender, you will be the first student to do so. More than that I’m not at liberty to say.”

“Well, I’m at liberty to hear it.”

“You can be as petulant as you want, tomorrow. Today, though, I’d appreciate it if you would keep your mind on the examination. Let’s not waste all that you’ve already done. Now, how will you deal with the planet?”

“I have to get someone behind it, or it’s a blind spot.”

“True.”

“And the gravity is going to affect fuel levels—cheaper to go down than up.”

“Yes.”

“Does the Little Doctor work against a planet?”

Mazer’s face went rigid. “Ender, the buggers never deliberately attacked a civilian population in either invasion. You decide whether it would be wise to adopt a strategy that would invite reprisals.”

“Is the planet the only new thing?”

“Can you remember the last time I’ve given you a battle with only one new thing? Let me assure you, Ender, that I will not be kind to you today. I have a responsibility to the fleet not to let a second-rate student graduate. I will do my best against you, Ender, and I have no desire to coddle you. Just keep in mind everything you know about yourself and everything you know about the buggers, and you have a fair chance of amounting to something.”

Mazer left the room.

Ender spoke into the microphone. “Are you there?”

“All of us,” said Bean. “Kind of late for practice this morning, aren’t you?”

So they hadn’t told the squadron leaders. Ender toyed with the idea of telling them how important this battle was to him, but decided it would not help them to have an extraneous concern on their minds. “Sorry,” he said. “I overslept.”

They laughed. They didn’t believe him.

He led them through maneuvers, warming up for the battle ahead. It took him longer than usual to clear his mind, to concentrate on command, but soon enough he was up to speed, responding quickly, thinking well. Or at least, he told himself, I think that I’m thinking well.

The simulator field cleared. Ender waited for the game to appear. What will happen if I pass the test today? Is there another school? Another year or two of grueling training, another year of isolation, another year of people pushing me this way and that way, another year without any control over my own life? He tried to remember how old he was. Eleven. How many years ago did he turn eleven? How many days? It must have happened here at the Command School, but he couldn’t remember the day. Maybe he didn’t even notice it at the time. Nobody noticed it, except perhaps Valentine.

And as he waited for the game to appear, he wished he could simply lose it, lose the battle badly and completely so that they would remove him from training, like Bonzo, and let him go home. Bonzo had been assigned to Cartagena. He wanted to see travel orders that said Greensboro. Success meant it would go on. Failure meant he could go home.

No, that isn’t true, he told himself. They need me, and if I fail, there might not be any home to return to.

But he did not believe it. In his conscious mind he knew it was true, but in other places, deeper places, he doubted that they needed him. Mazer’s urgency was just another trick. Just another way to make me do what they want