“Poor Ryker,” Dana said, not without amusement. She really did enjoy her son in law very much. And he was definitely easy on the eyes.
Max laughed. “Yes, poor Ryker. But seriously, mum. You don’t have the best track record for communication with dear old dad. Don’t you think you should try something different this time around? You know, like the truth?”
“I have never once lied to Mordecai,” Dana said, quickly.
“No. But you’ve sure left a lot out. Kind of like the night I was conceived,” Max pointed out.
“I do not regret it,” Dana said, looking into Max’s unique eyes. “I regret a lot of things, including how you were forced to live – the pain, the uncertainty, the fear. But I do not regret you.”
Max reached out and took Dana’s hand. “Nor should you. I love my life. Truly. My man, my friends, my family, my daughter … what is there to regret? We knew this wasn’t going to be easy. But it’s been worth it.”
Dana’s head knew Max sincerely believed that, but her heart still had a hard time with it. Mordecai, on the other hand, clearly wasn’t ready to believe it on any level. “There is nothing I can tell him that will make him change his mind,” she said, finally breaking the comfortable silence that had formed.
“Ah, is that what you’re telling yourself? Just no point? I call bullshit,” Max scoffed in her usual blunt fashion. “The reason you won’t tell him is because you feel guilty about that night – the night I was made – and every damn night after that too. You believe you deserve his censure and his poor moods and his cruel words. A part of you even revels in them because you think that maybe one day it will make you even. But I have a secret for you, mother …”
Dana swallowed hard as Max trailed off, knowing her daughter’s words were correct in every way. She did feel guilty. She did feel shame. She did deserve everything Mordecai threw at her. As crazy as it sounded, the verbal battering was almost like a healing balm rather than a bruise, and she felt less burdened with every frosty look. “What secret?” she finally asked her daughter.
“Your guilt will not lessen over time. It will not be chipped away by ignorant taunts or misplaced anger. That’s not how guilt works,” Max said.
“No?”
“No,” Max sat up. “The only way to be free of guilt is to let it go.”
Dana closed her eyes, listening intently but shutting out the face that was a perfect mix of Mordecai and herself. “Let it go?”
Max nudged Dana’s shoulder. “Yes. Let it go. Voluntarily and consciously. You are the source of your guilt, and so you must be the one to free yourself from it. I happen to know a little about this. It was how I healed Ryker … and Darius … and Dex …” she added. “You need to want to heal. Do you want to heal, mother?”
Dana sighed, the sound carrying love and pain, pride and frustration in equal measures. “I suppose I do. How did I manage to make such a wonderful, wise woman?”
“With the help of a wonderful, wise man,” Max responded, leaning down and kissing Dana on the cheek.
Dana sat up as well, taking Max’s hand in her own. “Thank you. You are right.”
Max grinned, “I usually am.”
Dana sputtered out a laugh, “You are incorrigible. You have your father’s arrogance.”
Max merely winked. “And my mother’s strength. Don’t forget that.”
Dana turned back to the crackling fire, grateful for the reminder, and resolved to clear the air with the father of her child. She would not tell him everything – she could not. But she could perhaps tell him enough so they could both start letting go of the guilt that was weighing them both down.
Chapter Four
Mordecai stood at the edge of Eden and waited for the rest of the newly formed International Domain Council to arrive. They had broken ground on the new headquarters, as well as the new local orphanage just a few days before and they were meeting to discuss what direction to take next. He would have rather had the meeting at the Training Lodge, indoors where there was more cover, but Max had been firm that Eden was going to be the new heart of their society, so they needed to get it beating. And what better way than to start making all the big decisions there? He chuckled