The Effing List - Cherise Sinclair Page 0,72

see her tonight, but—now, what with the gossip, he wasn’t sure what to do.

She’d seen him, though. Had she noticed his hesitation?

“Valerie, it’s good to see you.” Only it wasn’t. He had a mess on his hands, and she was still a newcomer to the lifestyle and to him. He could hardly ask her to believe his word, to stand with him against the onslaught of gossip.

His mouth tightened as he tried to find the right words.

“Ghost. I…” Her brows drew together, and she took a step back.

So…she’d heard the rumors.

Her withdrawal wasn’t a bullet to the gut, more like the slide of a dagger between the ribs, slicing into his heart. Hauling in a pained breath, he gave her what she obviously wanted.

What she needed.

“I have things to deal with right now, Valerie. I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you tonight.”

Her gaze dropped, hiding her reaction. Her face held the calm overlay she donned when she didn’t want to share her emotions. The one he would normally call her on.

With persuasion and care, she’d normally give him everything.

But this time, when she said, “Of course. Perhaps some other night,” he stepped back and let her pass.

As she walked away without a backward look, he felt as if he stood in Dresden as two thousand tons of bombs and incendiaries blew the city apart.

So…that was that, Valerie thought.

Ghost had found someone he’d rather play with than her. She had to give him credit. He’d had the courtesy to let her know so she wouldn’t wait for him. So, she’d be free to find someone else to play with.

Very polite of him, wasn’t it?

Like a wounded animal, Valerie stepped behind the screening plants in an empty sitting area. It felt as if she’d laced her bustier so tightly, her lungs were compressed, and she couldn’t get any air.

Surely that was why her chest ached enough to bring tears to her eyes.

Bracing her hands on the back of a chair, she breathed through the pain, much like she did when Ghost flogged her.

Trying to turn the hurt into something else.

I guess the technique doesn’t work for this kind of pain.

She knew better. These wounds were only cured by time and endurance. Her lips tightened. Wasn’t it nice she was a pro at enduring?

She’d endured her parents, endured being eighteen and penniless, endured the fading and death of a marriage, endured Alisha and Kahlua.

Straightening, she swiped a finger beneath each eye, eliminating the few tears that’d spilled over.

She could endure this, too.

Another breath.

She tugged at her bustier and smoothed her skirt.

Another breath.

Better.

Ghost had headed toward the rear of the room. Good. She could leave without making him feel badly about her decision.

Yes, his rejection hurt—and maybe she wouldn’t mind kicking him a time or two. In the balls. Nonetheless, it wasn’t his fault he’d found someone he liked better. He’d been polite when he let her down. Kind, even.

At least, he hadn’t dumped her the way Olivia had Natalia.

She blinked hard…because it still hurt…and headed for the front and escape.

Keeping a slight distance from the bar and the Masters there, she walked past a sitting area with two women and a man.

“Are you bullshitting me?” A screechy blonde in a pink negligee spilled her drink. “She attempted suicide because Ghost messed up a scene?”

What? Valerie almost tripped

“Yeah, but she didn’t die.” The Dom wore shiny black latex. And…she knew him. Who could forget his dangling Fu Manchu mustache? Dogget worked in the same realty as Barry’s buddy, Scott Hicks.

Stalling, she fiddled with the clothing bag Natalia had given her.

“I don’t remember anyone here attempting suicide.” The second woman had green-streaked brunette hair and a soft voice.

“Didn’t happen here.” Dogget tugged on one side of his mustache. “It was a club named Chains in Seattle.”

“Ohhh, maybe that’s why he’s in Florida, huh?” The blonde grew increasingly worried.

“No shit. Yeah, the so-called colonel ignored her hard limits and kept going until he reduced her to wanting to kill herself.”

Ghost hadn’t honored someone’s hard limits? Valerie had a moment of doubt. Something had happened in Seattle that sent him here, and he’d said he had a scene go bad. It still bothered him.

No, she didn’t believe what they were saying. He was far too honest. Honorable. And careful. Look at the way he’d negotiated everything first with her, then kept checking in, never doing anything he hadn’t covered.

Dogget leaned forward as if he were trying to persuade the two women. “The Shadowlands owner sure

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