him. "I'm hungry," she said. "Let's have lunch. I'll let you pay."
But lunch didn't ease the depression that was creeping over her.
Logan Winter was a man who bought and paid for sex. Emotion and tenderness were not the coins he used. None of that changed just because Amanda wasn't a hired escort. She was still an object to him, a person to be "paid for" with gifts, if not cash.
She had to move on from him. Hope was a poor substitute for affection. "What did you want to discuss?" she asked, as the waiter handed them menus. "Dallas Robotics?" She was proud of her cool tone.
"No," he answered. "I worked out the problem we were having with them this morning."
She eyed him, wondering if she should challenge him on his subterfuge last night. She didn't believe he'd ever intended to talk about the deal. But she didn't want to raise the subject of last night.
Logan closed his menu. "Let's order lunch before we talk."
When the waiter left after taking their orders, Logan folded his hands on the table. "We have a few things to discuss about last night."
"Sorry," she said tersely. "I was drunk."
Surprise flitted across his face. "Had you been drinking earlier in the evening?"
"No! I'm not an alcoholic. I just get drunk easily."
He nodded. "I wondered about that at the wedding."
"Wonder no more. It makes me a cheap date and, obviously, an—an—easy—" She fluttered her hands as a substitute for words.
Logan laughed. "You," he pronounced, "are not an easy lay."
Her lips twisted. He wasn't one to mince words. It sounded ugly.
He captured her hands across the small table, and folded them within his. "I apologize if I took advantage of you. I deliberately didn't give you much wine in order to avoid compromising your sobriety."
"I'm not a child," she said pettishly.
"Five percent of the population can't tolerate alcohol well. You must be one of them. It's actually a good trait to have."
"You would think so. But it wasn't last night. If I'd been in my right mind, I never would have—stayed with you."
His face darkened as he let go of her hands. "Given the circumstances, I'll let that rude comment pass. However, I had you last this morning at dawn, and the effects of the alcohol must have worn off by then. I didn't hear any complaints from you."
Amanda stared at the tablecloth. She had been rude, and he was right about her willingness. But his emotional disengagement hurt her, and this was the only way she had to fight back.
"I'm sorry," she muttered, still talking to the table. "The whole episode was a mistake. Can we leave it at that?"
The waiter arrived with their food, a filet mignon for him and a yellowfin tuna burger for her.
Logan took a bite and then began talking again as if he hadn't heard her last plea. "I enjoyed myself very much last night." His gray eyes bored into hers. "I thought you did, too."
"Whether or not we enjoyed ourselves is irrelevant." She fought a blush. "It can't happen again."
"That kind of pleasure is never irrelevant." He took a sip of wine. "I'd like very much to have it happen again."
She clenched her hands around her fork and knife. "No." She couldn't have him pursuing her. She was honest enough, at least with herself, to fear she would succumb just as she had last night. So, to keep herself safe, she had to convince him to back off. Which wouldn't be easy, as he wasn't the type to give up easily on something he wanted.
He nodded, and took another bite of steak while she waited tensely for his next approach. But he managed to surprise her.
"I'm disappointed," he said in his calm way. "But I'll respect your wishes."
Geez. Why did his easy acquiescence make her feel worse? She was right to end this now. She knew it and he had to know it as well. Whether they ended this now or a month from now, he'd be able to move on. But she, a month hence, might well be in over her head. She couldn't take the chance.
Chapter 19
Amanda traveled to Denver for Christmas, grateful to see her sister improving under the care of the talented team at Jewish American Hospital. Even her mother, though constantly worried, looked a little more rested. Amanda herself was stressed and anxious.
She'd thought Logan was cold and distant when they were in contact with each other. But she hadn't known how lonely she could feel