and James on Monday like I’d promised. Instead I emailed her, explaining Ellie’s situation and that I didn’t want to leave her alone at the moment. If Rhian thought it was weird I couldn’t take just two hours out of the day to see her, she didn’t let on. If she thought it was weird I was emailing her instead of calling her, she didn’t let on.
The truth was I barely saw Ellie over the next few days because Adam had practically moved into her bedroom and the two of them only came out of there for snacks and bathroom breaks.
I didn’t want to see Rhian and James. That was the truth.
And why?
Because not too long ago I had spewed crap down the phone to Rhian about not running from James because she was afraid of what the future might hold for them, and I really wasn’t in the mood to get a lecture from Rhian about breaking up with Braden and being a total hypocrite.
My story with Braden was entirely different. It was.
Really.
Okay.
I was just scared. No. Terrified. And I had every right to be. I just had to look at the way I’d reacted to Ellie’s situation to know that Braden would be in for a tough, neurotic life with me. Plus, my life had been so much calmer without him in it. I rarely worried about anything, my emotions were pretty stable, I had, if not peace, then quiet. Being with Braden was tumultuous and, really when I thought about it, exhausting. Take out the amazing sex and all that you’re left with is a bunch of ugly emotions. Worry—that he might get bored and stop liking me. Jealousy— I’d never been the jealous girlfriend before meeting Braden, but now my claws got all sharp anytime I saw a woman flirting with him. Fear for him—as if I didn’t have enough to worry about for myself, now it freaking mattered to me if he was happy or healthy. And it mattered more. That just was not cool.
I liked pre-Braden Joss.
She was spunky and cool and independent.
Post-Braden Joss was kind of a mushy asshat.
It didn’t help matters that Braden had kept to his word. He turned up at the apartment any chance he could, and even though I told him that Ellie was pre-occupied, he still hung around.
***
“I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. Right here.” I pointed angrily to my neck. “Can I not have him committed or something?”
Dr. Pritchard snorted. “For loving you?”
I drew back, shaking my head in disgust. “Dr. Pritchard,” I admonished softly. “Whose side are you on?”
“Braden’s.”
***
Wednesday night, two days after Christmas, and I was covering for a colleague at the bar. Ellie’s surgery was in two days.
I’d had an exhausting week of dodging Braden, and, whenever she came out of her room, trying to calm Ellie down about her surgery. Dodging Braden wasn’t so easy. Even though Darren, his manager at Fire, had had to quit because his wife was pregnant and she demanded he get a normal nine-to-five—Braden got him a job as a manager in one of the city hotels a friend owned—and that meant training his new manager, Braden had still found time to come around and bother me. There was the sink incident—which I may have overreacted to because it reminded me of a memory I had of my parents— the walking in while I was having a shower to ask me where the television remote was incident, the eating his lunch in the kitchen without a shirt on incident—he said he ‘accidentally’ spilled coffee down it and had to put it in the washer/dryer— and there were the many, many ‘looking at me for no reason’ incidents. I swear to God he was wearing on my panties. I had been this close to just giving in when he started to back off a little.
Of course I wouldn’t have given in anyway.
Because I could see the big picture.
He’d started the cool down a few days before Christmas, and was even on pretty good behavior when we had Christmas dinner with Ellie’s family. The only awkward moment came when we had to exchange gifts. We’d both bought our gifts a while ago, and they were more meaningful than what two mere friends would give each other. Braden had managed to get me a signed copy of my favorite book by my most favorite