On Dublin Street The Bonus Material - Samantha Young Page 0,19
do whatever I wanted. The only thing that numbed everything was doing stupid shit that made me feel like crap about myself. Lost my virginity too young, drank way too much. Then after Dru died, I just stopped. I was moved to another foster home on the other side of town. They didn’t have much, but there were less kids there and one kid in particular who was pretty cool. She wanted a big sister though…” She sucked in breath before admitting, “I didn’t want to be anything to anybody. She needed someone, and I didn’t give it to her. I don’t even know what happened to her after I left.”
He could feel her regret as she sighed. “When I was there, I went to a couple of parties over the years, not a lot. Always ended up with some guy I didn’t know or care to know. Truth is, I went out on the same night every year. To a party, to a bar. It didn’t matter as long as it helped me forget. I’ve spent eight years burying my family, pretending they never existed, because yeah – like you said – it was easier to pretend I’d never had them, than to deal with how much it hurt to lose them. I realize now how unfair that was to them. To the memory of them.” Fresh tears dripped onto his chest and he readied himself for what she was about to say. “The one night I went out was the anniversary of their death. But I stopped doing that when I was eighteen. I went out that night and I went to a party and I can’t remember anything that happened after I arrived. I woke up the next day and I was naked in bed with two guys I didn’t know.”
It wasn’t jealousy that made him curse under his breath and say her name hoarsely. It was anger and fear, knowing anything could have happened to her.
“Believe me, I’ve been there,” Jocelyn said, seeming to understand his reaction. “I was furious at myself, violated, scared. Anything could have happened to me. And sexually…”
“Don’t.” he couldn’t hear it. Just imagining Jocelyn being so young, so out of control and being used by two strange men made him want to put his fist through a fucking wall.
“I got checked out,” she hurried to reassure him. “And those guys hadn’t given me anything, thank God. But I never slept with anyone again. Until you.”
The confession eased him. Jocelyn had given him her trust before she even realized that was what she was doing. He was honored. And so goddamn grateful she’d chosen him to reawaken her sexuality. She’d chosen someone who would never hurt her or use her. And never would.
“I might never stop fearing tomorrow, Braden,” she admitted. “The future and what it can take from me, scares me. And sometimes I freak out, and sometimes my freak outs hurt the people closest to me.”
Braden smiled tenderly. As if he hadn’t already clued into that fact. “I understand that. I can deal with it. You have to trust me.”
“I thought you were the one with the trust issues,” she grumbled, sounding put out.
He gave her what she needed to hear. The thing she normally ran from. He prayed this time she stayed put under this kind of responsibility. “I trust you, babe. You don’t see yourself the way I see you.” he braced.
She traced a little “J” across his heart and he relaxed even before she said, “I do trust you. I just didn’t expect Ellie to lie to me, so I took her word as gold. I’m sorry.”
Although he didn’t ask for it, her apology soothed him all the same. He would never betray her and he was glad she finally realized that. “I love you, Jocelyn. These last few weeks have been a nightmare for more reasons than one.”
“And Isla?” she asked tentatively.
Ellie had planted concerns with her tall tale… “I swear I never slept with her.”
“Did anything happen?”
He would have been pissed off at her asking if there wasn’t some validity to the question. He froze beneath her, not wanting something that meant nothing to him, to affect such an important moment between them.
She felt his tension and he heard the worry in her tone as she said his name in question.
Not wanting lies between them he heaved a beleaguered sigh. “Yesterday she kissed me. I didn’t kiss her back. I pushed her off and told