He tipped his beer in acknowledgement, “You gotta get through Dawn first.”
“Ryder, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t. This ain’t your fault.” He rocked the chair back. “There’s more…” He hesitated, giving me a sideways glance. “There are reports of an ice demon loose in Boston. So far, it’s mixed messages. Some news reports have the demon on our side, others…not so much. Coleman’s talking to witnesses.”
“Stefan?”
Ryder nodded, “We don’t know, but it seems likely. Sounds like he’s alive, so that’s something.” Why didn’t he sound pleased? “You said he was good, right? I mean, I watched him get between you and Dawn. Demons don’t do self-sacrifice.”
Tell that to Akil, I thought. “Yeah. Being back, having a purpose helped him sort his shit out.” If Stefan had gone over to the dark side, we’d know. All of Boston would know. Like me, he didn’t do things by halves. “There are other badass ice demons. But if it is him, he’s probably doing the same as us, tying up loose ends, killing stray lessers.” I trusted Stefan. He’d faced his storm, and survived, as I supposed had I. Was surviving enough?
Ryder scratched at his bristly chin. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Have you called Jenna back?”
“Not yet. Wanted to chat with you first.” Ryder dropped the chair forward and leaned both arms on the table. He downed his beer, crushed the can, and tossed it onto the tabletop. “I gotta go back.”
Of course he did. Adam had him under the thumb. Ryder’s kid needed him. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to go back to Boston. Boston was Akil, and Akil was gone. A painful knot attempted to choke me. I gulped it away and twisted my lips, forcing out the quiver. I hadn’t cried. I hadn’t stopped to think. I couldn’t. Nothing around me had changed. The world still turned. The seconds ticked by. The hours turned to days. The world should have stopped. Something should have changed. Akil was gone. Why hadn’t anything changed? The sun still shone; life continued its relentless march as though Akil had never happened. Well, fuck that. He’d happened to me, and I’d changed. I shuddered and gulped back the burn of grief. Not yet. Not now. I couldn’t face the fact he wasn’t out there somewhere, manipulating someone or something so he could get back. He always had a plan. Always. But he hadn’t planned for death. No immortal did.
“Are you coming back with me?” Ryder asked.
I lifted my gaze and saw Ryder’s expression twist from regret to alarm. Something in my eyes had him tensing in his chair, his body freezing, muscles locking, ready to react. His glance at Stefan’s gun resting on the bedside indicated he was worried. Not just worried, but afraid of me, and I couldn’t blame him. I’d told him I had everything in check, and I did. I was more level, more stable, than I’d ever been, but that didn’t change his memory of seeing me go nuclear and kill thousands of demons in one terrifying moment. He hadn’t left my side since guiding me away from the battlefield. I’d had to convince him I was a big girl and could pee alone. Otherwise, he’d have hovered over me in the bathroom too. He was afraid of me, for me, for those around me. He was my mentor, my guardian, and if need be, my executioner. I’d never hurt Ryder. He was my failsafe.
I forced a smile across my lips. “Don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m all good.”
Ryder relaxed, but not entirely. He sat back and angled himself away from the table, giving himself room to spring out of the chair and lunge for the gun if he had to. “You know why Adam has my kid, right?”
“Leverage. He wants you to hand me in.”
“Yeah, that’s what I reckon. I won’t do it.”
“Go back. I’ll be fine on my own.”
Raking a hand through his hair, he chewed on his reply, obviously unhappy about leaving me. He settled his gaze on me, and his eyes narrowed in assessment. I stood demon-still and watched him watching me. “You’re one scary-ass demon, Muse.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“You should come back.”
Boston. Akil. I turned my head away. “Maybe.”
“The netherworld still bleeds through there. Forget the Institute, Boston could really do with you. If not for what’s right, go back for Stefan? Adam still has a termination order out on his son. It’s personal now, and he has Dawn to do