Ethan extended his hand, and I took it, squeezing it tight. This was so hard to tell people about. I almost lost the courage. Ethan’s warm hand in mine was the only thing that made me feel strong enough to forge on. I’d kept my condition a secret for so long, but now, I was bringing it into the light.
“The truth is, I am sick. I’ve been sick since I was born, before I came to Arcanea University,” I said. “I just didn’t tell anyone.”
“What do you have?” Out of everyone, Kiara was remaining calm, her eyes wide with curiosity instead of fear.
“It’s called common variable immune deficiency disorder. It’s a genetic disease, and very rare, part of a group of primary immune conditions,” I explained. “Basically, my immune system doesn’t make antibodies the way it should, so I have a hard time fighting off illnesses.”
My eyes went to Stefan. “I’ve been seeing your mom about it. She’s been helpful.”
Stefan nodded thoughtfully. Odette’s eyes watered with tears. “Does that mean you’re going to die?” she peeped.
I sighed. “Well... not really. It’s not like cancer. It’s chronic. People with CVID can have short lives, but they can have long ones, too. I’m working hard to take care of myself. I take treatments every Friday. I put plasma into a medicine pump, and that pump delivers me antibodies through needles in my stomach. That way, I can have a normal life... well, kind of normal, anyway.”
“It’s why you’ve been sick all semester,” Delmare said, and her eyes narrowed. “I knew there was something going on with you.”
“And why you’re so tired all the time,” Kiara added.
“Yes. I told Ethan, but only because he’s my mate. I’ve been afraid to tell the rest of you.” I dropped my head. “I didn’t want you to treat me differently. Or think I was weak. I know the Arcanea world is all about strength, and this disease makes me more fragile than a lot of people.”
Theo made a pshing sound. “None of us have mistaken you for weak, Emma. We don’t want to get punched in the nose.”
A couple of people laughed, including me. It relieved some of the tension.
“So what are some of the complications?” Kiara asked. It helped that she was asking questions, instead of freaking out or being weird about it.
“Hmm... for starters, I get a lot of viruses and infections, because I can’t fight them off as easily. And I’m more susceptible with problems in my lungs. People with CVID have a lot of gastrointestinal issues, too,” I said.
“So that’s the reason for you going gluten-free. I thought it was some fad thing you were doing for skating,” Delmare said.
I scoffed. “I wish. I’ve had to cut a lot out of my diet because of this thing.”
“Not chocolate, though,” Odette peeped. “You love chocolate. Chocolate is very good.”
Ethan nudged me. “We all know Emma’s not giving up her sweets.”
I giggled. “Well, not yet.”
Alexei raised a hand. All of us looked at him— Stefan said, “Dude, you don’t gotta do that. This isn’t class.”
He blushed. “I was just trying to be polite.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said. “What did you want to ask?”
Alexei paused. “Well... I can always feel your emotions changing, but I never knew why. Your mood must fluctuate depending on the strength and weakness of your immune system.”
“That’s exactly it,” I said, marveling at Alexei’s empathy powers. “A weak immune system can influence the chemicals in your brain. One of the ways I can tell I’m getting a cold is if I get depressed for no reason, and can’t figure out why.”
“That makes sense,” Alexei said.
“Is there a cure for it?” Odette asked innocently. “There must be, right?”
My stomach dropped. This was one of my least favorite questions. “Well, not yet. But there’s new research coming out every day.”
“There might be a cure,” Ethan said in a rush. “We can use one of the Crystals of Harmony. You don’t have to be sick, Em.”
My heart twisted inside my chest. I didn’t want Ethan to get my hopes up. Besides... I was stuck with this, and as much as I hated my illness sometimes, it was a part of me, and had become a piece of who I was. Couldn’t he accept me like this, for how I was, like how I accepted him with his missing leg? I knew he didn’t want me to suffer, but even with my illness, I wanted to be enough for him.