She grinned at him. “It’s made you a better person, right?”
“Well, no. It’s made me a thinner, shabbier, more miserable person stranded in a pseudo-hotel with a lot of lunatics because he’s got nowhere else to go. Apart from that, though, it’s not so bad. As you’ll find out for yourself quite soon, I imagine.”
“Thank you so much.” She gave him a sort of mock-frown. “Well, I’ll try and handle poverty with the same grace and dignity you’re showing. Aren’t I lucky to have such a splendid role model?”
“You bet. I had to make do with Gandhi and St Francis of Assisi, which probably explains why I’m such a mess.” He stopped short and stared at her. “What are you doing?”
She looked up at him. “My face, what does it look like?”
“Where did you get that?”
“What, this?” She held up her powder compact for him to inspect. “Actually, I’m not sure.”
“Think.”
“Lancôme?” She squinted at the compact. “No, definitely not. Too pink. Now I come to think of it, I found it. On the floor, down in the wine cellar.”
He swooped like a hawk and snatched it from her hand. “Hey,” she said, but he was holding it up to the light, looking for –
“Do you mind?” she said. “I haven’t finished with it yet. I’ve got one half of my face glossy and the other half matte.”
“Start a fashion,” Theo snapped. He’d found something. “In the drawer, there’s a magnifying glass. Quickly.”
She scowled at him, but he wasn’t looking, so she fished out the glass and handed it to him. “Well?” she said. “What’s so earth-shatteringly urgent?”
“P V G,” Theo replied. “There, see for yourself.” He handed her the glass and the compact. “Looks to me like it was scratched on with a pin or a compass point or something.”
“Stupendous,” she said. “I still don’t quite see why I can’t powder the other side of my nose.”
“P V G. Pieter van Goyen.” He breathed out slowly through his nose. “It’s mine,” he said. “Pieter left it to me in his will.”
“Fancy that. Other people get houses and money.”
“It was in my pocket. I forgot about it till just now, and then I found there was a hole and it must’ve fallen through.”
“Aren’t you lucky I found it, then?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now can I—?”
“What? Yes, sure. No,” he amended quickly, snatching it back from her. He felt for a catch or something to open it, but there didn’t seem to be anything like that. Matasuntha watched him for a while, then sighed. “Give it here,” she said.
“No. It’s mine.”
“All right, it’s yours. Now give it here and I’ll show you how to open it.”
He hesitated. “I can manage.”
“No you can’t.”
“I’m a quantum physicist,” he muttered, scrabbling with his fingernails at the seam. “I can open a goddamn powder compact—”
“You’re a man,” she replied. He sighed, nodded and handed it to her. She opened it and gave it back.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Tie your shoelaces for you later, if you ask nicely.”
He was staring into the mirror in the lid, but all he could see there was a bewildered idiot, and he could look at one of those any time he liked. He picked out the little pink sponge thing, but under it there was only pink powder. “Is that it?”
“What?”
“There aren’t any hidden compartments of anything?”
“Well, usually there’s a network of tunnels leading to the hinge. No, of course not.”
He stared, then breathed out slowly through his nose, misting the mirror. “Sod it,” he said. “I was so certain I was on to something.” He looked away. The idiot was now a blurred idiot, and it was getting on his nerves. “I thought, maybe Pieter had hidden a message or something—”
“Look.”
The mirror was demisting itself, and, as the cloud dissipated, he saw that the idiot had gone. In its place –
“The magnifier, quick,” he snapped, but she was already holding it out. He grabbed it and screwed up his eyes to read the tiny words on the screen. “Is this normal?” he asked.
“No,” she replied. “Move your head, I can’t see.”
It occurred to him that maybe he didn’t want Matasuntha reading Pieter’s hidden message to him over his shoulder. But it was too late to do anything about that now, not unless he wanted to make an official declaration of war. He moved his head a little. “You can read that?”
“Mphm.”
“You must have eyes like a hawk.”
“Small, round and yellow. You say the sweetest things.” He