Doughnut - By Tom Holt Page 0,117
a brass pot.
“That’s the sacred rubber plant,” she whispered. “That’s why it’s got a real metal pot.”
“Ah.”
A door opened, and a man came out. He smiled at the girl, then frowned. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t think I know—”
“It’s another one,” the girl said excitedly. “He showed up on South 388H, and he’s completely lost his memory, I’ve told him a bit about everything, and he’s got this utterly amazing idea—”
“Um,” Theo said loudly. “Are you the Duty Officer?”
The man looked shocked. “What, me? Do I look like the—?”
“He doesn’t remember,” the girl interrupted. “Anything. Except, he knew about laws. And he’s thought of an incredibly clever way of making cars go without—”
“I’d like to see the Duty Officer, please,” Theo said firmly.
“What, now?”
“If that’s possible.”
The man frowned. “I don’t know about that. I’ll have to ask him. Excuse me just a moment.”
He withdrew, closing the door firmly behind him. The girl was looking at a piece of paper pinned up on the wall.
“The Duty Roster,” she said. “It tells you who the Duty Officer is. Gosh.”
“What?”
“Fancy that,” she said.
“I can try, but you’ll have to meet me halfway. What’s so—?”
“You’ll never guess who’s on Duty today.”
“No, almost certainly not. You could try telling me, though, if that wouldn’t be seen as cheating.”
She turned and beamed at him. “Him,” she said. “The other one.”
“Excuse me?”
“The other one like you,” she said. “You know. The man who turned up and couldn’t remember anything. Apparently, today’s his turn.”
Theo was just about to say something when the door opened again, and a different man came out. He froze in the doorway, stared for a moment, then clicked his tongue as loud as a pistol shot.
Theo, for crying out loud.
Theo couldn’t do telepathy. Presumably it took time, and he’d only been there an hour or so. So he had to make do with words. “Hello, Max,” he said.
Shut your face and get in here now.
The girl was gawping at the pair of them. “You know him?” she said.
“No,” Max and Theo said simultaneously. “Go away,” Max added. “Please. And you,” he added, as the man came out to see what all the fuss was in aid of. “Vital affairs of state,” he explained. “Essential meeting, total secrecy. Nobody must know. Got that?”
The man shrugged. The girl nodded eagerly. “Is this something to do with the exploding-gas car-propelling machine? Because I think it’s really great.”
Max grabbed him by the shoulder, shoved him through the door and slammed it shut behind them. “Theo,” he said. “You total bastard.”
Theo held up his hand. “Max.”
“Yes?”
“Do I take it that you can do this telepathy thing they’ve got around here?”
“Yes, actually.”
“Fine. Read my mind.”
Didn’t take long. Max’s eyebrows shot up; then he said, “I see. I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“I’m not.”
“You’d really like to do that to me?”
“Yes.”
“With a tablespoon?”
“Yes.”
Max looked hurt. He was so very good at it. “Well, tough,” he said, “because all the spoons in these parts are made of wood, and they’d snap. You’ll just have to wait till we get home. Which won’t,” he added firmly, “be long now. Will it?”
Theo made an exasperated gesture. “Max, you arsehole,” he said, “what are you doing here? You should be on the Disney planet.”
“Which is exactly where I would be,” Max replied angrily, “if it’d been up to you. And chances are, I’d have been Tigger-fodder by now, so it’s just as well I used a bit of initiative and escaped, isn’t it?”
“Max—”
“And why exactly are you trying to get these innocent, Arcadian people to abandon their sustainable, eco-friendly technology and start building gas engines? What harm did they ever do to you?”
“Max.”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
First time in their joint lives it actually worked. Even then, Max’s reaction was to sulk. He folded his arms and sat down. “Max.”
“Hm?”
“For pity’s sake, how did you get off the Disney planet? You didn’t have any of the kit. No YouSpace bottle, nothing.”
Max did one of his insufferable smirks. “Oh, that,” he said. “I just used my head, that’s all.”
“Makes sense. It’s big enough, God knows. What did you do?”
“Oh, I was really brave,” Max said. “You remember where you abandoned me, in that cave? Well, after a while I couldn’t stand it any more, so one night I sneaked out, walked to the village, somehow managed to creep past the heavily armed guards without getting shot, broke into a bakery store and stole a doughnut. It was still pitch dark and I couldn’t see my hand in front