Doc (Ruthless Kings MC #7) - K.L. Savage Page 0,20

don’t expect is pain, which means, I’m not dead. I don’t know how the hell that can be. I made sure I cut long and deep. My eyes flutter open, and I expect the harsh light to make me wince, but the room is dark besides a glow coming from my left. I try to readjust my body, but my arms burn, and pain radiates up to my shoulders. I bite back a scream, but I can’t stop my eyes from pooling with water.

Holy fuck, that hurts.

“Jo?” a sleepy voice says beside me.

I stare at the door, completely shocked when I hear the nickname Eric gave me. I’m afraid to look because what if he isn’t there? What if I’m dreaming this, or this is some type of hell loop?

“Jo? Are you awake?” The side of the bed dips, and my eyes close when I smell his familiar cologne. I don’t know what it is, but it’s faint and it isn’t overpowering. It reminds me of fresh laundry after being dried, all warm with a fresh scent lingering.

I turn my head, and I don’t know what comes over me, but I start to sob uncontrollably. I can’t believe I’m alive. I’m embarrassed. I feel so lost and alone.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” Eric settles beside me and covers us with another blanket. His body heat has me laying my head on his chest and holding him close. He wraps one arm around me and kisses the top of my head. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You don’t know how worried I’ve been. Everyone has been, actually.”

A tear falls on his shirt, and I try to wipe my cheek with the back of my hand, but the pain in my forearm stops me. “I’m sorry,” I say. I’ve never felt weaker than I do right now. Not even when I was cutting my arms open did I have this huge gaping hole in my chest like I do right now.

“You can talk to me, you know. I’m your friend, Jo. I’m always here. We don’t have to talk about this right now. You just woke up; I’m sure you want to relax.”

I shrug my shoulder in an uncaring way. I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be at home. I don’t want to talk. At the same time, I want Eric to stay next to me. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I need help because I know I’m depressed, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I don’t want to be alone again.

Alone.

I glance down at my stomach and lay my hand on top of it. The memory of taking a pregnancy test flares in my mind, and it reminds me that I’m never going to be alone again. I’m not strong enough to be a mother.

“Eric, I … has the doctor said anything to you about me?”

“Just that you are very lucky. You lost a lot of blood.”

My eyes dart around the room, my vision blurry as I decide how I want to tell a guy I care about that I’m pregnant with another man’s baby. An encounter I don’t remember. Not only am I ashamed for trying to kill myself and him coming to my rescue, but I’m ashamed that I’m a statistic. The typical college girl. The one who partied too hard, trusted the wrong people, and now her life is forever changed.

I need to talk to someone who isn’t Eric about this pregnancy. The judgment in his eyes will kill me, and I’ve judged myself enough.

“He’s been waiting on you to wake up so he can talk to you. You aren’t allowed to leave the hospital for another sixty-three hours. You’re on—”

“Suicide watch. Yeah, I know the drill. Can you help me sit up more? I can’t push myself into the mattress. It hurts the stitches.”

“Of course,” he says quickly. He pushes his hands under my arms and lifts me up. His face is close to mine, and his blue eyes are dark with a hint of gray surrounding the pupil. I hold my breath as our gazes sink into one another. A silly part of me thinks, for a second, that he might kiss me.

I know it isn’t the time or place, and I look like hell considering everything that brought us here. I’m also scared. I don’t want him to kiss me. I know if